I haven’t written a personal post in weeks. There is always an excuse not to. Usually a “I have to do this first” or “I’ll get to it later”. Sadly, I use the same excuses when it comes to exercising. (which explains why my butt isn’t getting any smaller)
Life is hard, even when it’s good.
Maybe life is even harder when it is good, because you have to keep up the good.
I am a goal setter. A list maker. A dreamer. Not just with business, but in my personal life. Some goals are met with absolute perfection, while others end up “meh” and several more that end up circling the drain. Most circle the drain.
I am in a never ending whirlpool of incompetence.
I am stubbornly driven and passionate about life, work and love. This trait isn’t anything I can help or control. At times, this quality works. It puts a fire in my belly to perform, to do better, to create something wonderful or give myself to others.
This quality also makes me borderline insane. I’m never satisfied, never good enough and regularly disappointed that I CANNOT DO EVERYTHING PERFECTLY.
“You shoot me down, but I won’t fall. I am titanium.” – David Guetta/Sia
Most days, I am titanium. I let the negative bounce off me. I sit back and think, “Dude, who cares if I failed at that? I have 100 other amazing positive things in my life right now to be thankful for” and I move on. I’m disappointed, but I move forward anyway, trying harder than I did before.
Then there are days, or weeks, where I feel stuck and riddled with the mysteries of “why was I ignored”, “what did I do wrong” and “I worked so hard, so why did this happen”. It doesn’t stop with my business life, either. Self-doubt seeps into my role as a mother, wife and friend. It lives everywhere I go.
I am imperfect in every part of my life. I want to be strong, to be titanium, but I am imperfect in every part of my life.
I am not ungrateful or unaware of my blessings. I don’t want a different life. I just want to spend my energy and passion wisely. Though, I don’t know how.
I am trying.