1. Do sit at the kid’s table. They’re loud, they’re rowdy, and they don’t eat their sweet potatoes. But the kiddos will not look at your chest, then look at you and say, “Breastfeeding are you? Don’t worry Dear. Nothing a good bra can’t fix.”

2. Do blame it on your in-laws spoiling  your kids when they behave badly at your parent’s house.

3. Do blame it on your parents spoiling your kids when they behave badly at your inlaws’ house.

4. Don’t sit next to Uncle Alfred. He talks with his mouth full, and sometimes his dentures fall out.

5. Don’t load up your plate with cousin Ann’s “secret recipe” until you’ve tried it. If it’s bad you’ll spend all afternoon politely choking it down.

6. Do bring your laptop, Blackberry, iPhone so you can get a jump start on your online Christmas shopping after dinner while the guys fall asleep watching the Lions lose.

7. Don’t under any circumstances mention Twitter or anything that has to do with blogging or any kind of social media for that matter. You will spend the entire day trying to explain how you “know” people online even though you don’t really know them. And at least one relative will tell you that some crazy person from the Internet will hunt down your family and kill you all in your sleep.

8. Do pass the baby around, and let everyone take turns holding her. Hey, it’s a break for you.

9. Do start saving up now so you can spend the holidays in Hawaii next year. Far away from everyone else.

10. Don’t forget to be thankful for your family. They do love you. No matter how crazy they are.

The author has had nothing but pleasant holiday experiences with both sides of her family, and wishing them to remain so, would like to state for the record that this piece is based entirely on fiction. Except for number six. And maybe number 4.

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