1. Do sit at the kid’s table. They’re loud, they’re rowdy, and they don’t eat their sweet potatoes. But the kiddos will not look at your chest, then look at you and say, “Breastfeeding are you? Don’t worry Dear. Nothing a good bra can’t fix.”
2. Do blame it on your in-laws spoiling your kids when they behave badly at your parent’s house.
3. Do blame it on your parents spoiling your kids when they behave badly at your inlaws’ house.
4. Don’t sit next to Uncle Alfred. He talks with his mouth full, and sometimes his dentures fall out.
5. Don’t load up your plate with cousin Ann’s “secret recipe” until you’ve tried it. If it’s bad you’ll spend all afternoon politely choking it down.
6. Do bring your laptop, Blackberry, iPhone so you can get a jump start on your online Christmas shopping after dinner while the guys fall asleep watching the Lions lose.
7. Don’t under any circumstances mention Twitter or anything that has to do with blogging or any kind of social media for that matter. You will spend the entire day trying to explain how you “know” people online even though you don’t really know them. And at least one relative will tell you that some crazy person from the Internet will hunt down your family and kill you all in your sleep.
8. Do pass the baby around, and let everyone take turns holding her. Hey, it’s a break for you.
9. Do start saving up now so you can spend the holidays in Hawaii next year. Far away from everyone else.
10. Don’t forget to be thankful for your family. They do love you. No matter how crazy they are.
The author has had nothing but pleasant holiday experiences with both sides of her family, and wishing them to remain so, would like to state for the record that this piece is based entirely on fiction. Except for number six. And maybe number 4.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!
About Colleen Stout
That is hilarious!! I love the little disclaimer at the end.
[Reply]
Love it! Great advice, even if it is “fictional”, *wink wink*!
[Reply]
Cute. However, I believe there should be some mention about how to handle your MIL talking about all the great girls your husband missed out on!
[Reply]
Amy Reply:
November 23rd, 2009 at 10:57 am
Meg- Are you serious? That is awful!!
[Reply]
Yeah, number 7 is a GREAT one! It’s so hard to explain social media or blogging to someone who isn’t in it!
[Reply]
Love this post, so great and oh so true in many ways, even if it’s fiction.
[Reply]
That’s so funny! While you are sitting at the kids table you should get to eat what the kids eat (with my family they skip all the funky stuff).
[Reply]
I really like your humor. And # 10 is great – when you know that your family really loves you, well, you’ve been providing the kind of support that they need on holidays and at any other time too. I can see anyone happily fitting into your family celebration.
[Reply]
I LOLed at #7. My parents barely understands how to turn a computer on! They don’t understand “this internet thing.” haha
O Discount Store´s last [type] ..Become a Proactive Anti Aging Enthusiast!
[Reply]
Haha, this is totally cracking me — and yeah, definitely no. 7!
Desiree Fawn´s last [type] ..Fawned Friday
[Reply]
The holidays are great and all but family gatherings bring so much extra stress that it’s actually a relief to read this kind of nonsense
Alison @ Femita´s last [type] ..How To Survive Family Life
[Reply]