Dos and Don’ts to Survive Thanksgiving and Other Holiday Family Gatherings

1. Do sit at the kid’s table. They’re loud, they’re rowdy, and they don’t eat their sweet potatoes. But the kiddos will not look at your chest, then look at you and say, “Breastfeeding are you? Don’t worry Dear. Nothing a good bra can’t fix.”

2. Do blame it on your in-laws spoiling  your kids when they behave badly at your parent’s house.

3. Do blame it on your parents spoiling your kids when they behave badly at your inlaws’ house.

4. Don’t sit next to Uncle Alfred. He talks with his mouth full, and sometimes his dentures fall out.

5. Don’t load up your plate with cousin Ann’s “secret recipe” until you’ve tried it. If it’s bad you’ll spend all afternoon politely choking it down.

6. Do bring your laptop, Blackberry, iPhone so you can get a jump start on your online Christmas shopping after dinner while the guys fall asleep watching the Lions lose.

7. Don’t under any circumstances mention Twitter or anything that has to do with blogging or any kind of social media for that matter. You will spend the entire day trying to explain how you “know” people online even though you don’t really know them. And at least one relative will tell you that some crazy person from the Internet will hunt down your family and kill you all in your sleep.

8. Do pass the baby around, and let everyone take turns holding her. Hey, it’s a break for you.

9. Do start saving up now so you can spend the holidays in Hawaii next year. Far away from everyone else.

10. Don’t forget to be thankful for your family. They do love you. No matter how crazy they are.

The author has had nothing but pleasant holiday experiences with both sides of her family, and wishing them to remain so, would like to state for the record that this piece is based entirely on fiction. Except for number six. And maybe number 4.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

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Colleen Stout

Colleen spends her days wiping butts and pulling up pants as a stay-at-home mom to four year old David and three month old Wade. She and her husband Dave, who’s still putting up with her after 11 years, make their home in West Michigan. After graduating from college, Colleen worked as a journalist and a communications specialist. One day she realized she’d rather be at home making dinner than sitting in a cubicle listening to her boss talk about his Camero. Colleen packed up her desk, went home and had a baby. After getting her fill of Oprah and The View, she decided she needed something else to do besides watching daytime television. So she started her blog Mommie Daze where she writes about the funny, the sweet and just plain crazy moments of motherhood.

17 Responses to “Dos and Don’ts to Survive Thanksgiving and Other Holiday Family Gatherings”

  1. #
    Kim — November 23, 2009 at 8:59 am

    That is hilarious!! I love the little disclaimer at the end.

    [Reply]

  2. #
    Tamara Walker "MomRN" — November 23, 2009 at 9:47 am

    Love it! Great advice, even if it is “fictional”, *wink wink*!

    [Reply]

  3. #
    Meg — November 23, 2009 at 9:53 am

    Cute. However, I believe there should be some mention about how to handle your MIL talking about all the great girls your husband missed out on!

    [Reply]

    • Amy replied: — November 23rd, 2009 @ 10:57 am

      Meg- Are you serious? That is awful!!

      [Reply]

  4. #
    Amy — November 23, 2009 at 11:05 am

    Yeah, number 7 is a GREAT one! It’s so hard to explain social media or blogging to someone who isn’t in it!

    [Reply]

  5. #
    Lauralee Hensley — November 23, 2009 at 1:24 pm

    Love this post, so great and oh so true in many ways, even if it’s fiction.

    [Reply]

  6. #
    Fiona — November 23, 2009 at 6:58 pm

    That’s so funny! While you are sitting at the kids table you should get to eat what the kids eat (with my family they skip all the funky stuff).

    [Reply]

  7. #
    Sandra — November 30, 2010 at 1:57 pm

    I really like your humor. And # 10 is great – when you know that your family really loves you, well, you’ve been providing the kind of support that they need on holidays and at any other time too. I can see anyone happily fitting into your family celebration.

    [Reply]

  8. #
    O Discount Store — December 2, 2010 at 3:41 pm

    I LOLed at #7. My parents barely understands how to turn a computer on! They don’t understand “this internet thing.” haha

    [Reply]

  9. #
    Desiree Fawn — December 7, 2010 at 10:20 am

    Haha, this is totally cracking me — and yeah, definitely no. 7!

    [Reply]

  10. #
    Alison @ Femita — January 3, 2011 at 5:42 pm

    The holidays are great and all but family gatherings bring so much extra stress that it’s actually a relief to read this kind of nonsense :)

    [Reply]

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