Oldie, but goodie from 2008:
No, we don’t celebrate Santa.Yes, we do celebrate Christmas.
Do we care if you celebrate Santa? Nope.
Do you care if we choose not to? Yes.
Of course, I am generalizing when I say “you”. I’m sure many of “you” have no problem with our decision, and maybe even practice it yourself. I just haven’t met you yet. I am generalizing because MOST of the reactions I get from strangers, friends, and some family members are of shock and disappointment. Most of the time I don’t even bring it up, and just smile and nod when the sweet stranger at the store asks my youngest, “Are you ready for Santa?”
You’re probably wondering why we don’t celebrate Santa, huh?First, let me say that we do not discriminate against those who choose to do Santa, The Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, Superman, etc., it’s just not our thing.
Why?
Remember, this is just our opinion, and you have the right to yours, as well. We think investing, believing and hyping something to the point of calling it real, but is in fact not real at all, isn’t necessary for our children. We think that a child’s imagination and wonder can still be stimulated without these beliefs. That is all. We don’t freak out if our kids see Santa movies or memorabilia-we just teach them that he’s a made-up character, just like Batman or Donald Duck. Our nine year old still gets just as excited as any other kid on Christmas day, even though he knows we bought the presents. Presents are pretty darn cool all by themselves. I think Santa is so buried into America’s traditions and way of life, that we do not question why we do it and feel obligated to partake in the experience.
Why?
Remember, this is just our opinion, and you have the right to yours, as well. We think investing, believing and hyping something to the point of calling it real, but is in fact not real at all, isn’t necessary for our children. We think that a child’s imagination and wonder can still be stimulated without these beliefs. That is all. We don’t freak out if our kids see Santa movies or memorabilia-we just teach them that he’s a made-up character, just like Batman or Donald Duck. Our nine year old still gets just as excited as any other kid on Christmas day, even though he knows we bought the presents. Presents are pretty darn cool all by themselves. I think Santa is so buried into America’s traditions and way of life, that we do not question why we do it and feel obligated to partake in the experience.
I wonder, why do we get the reaction from others that we do? Why do so many take it so hard? Why is it a requirement to celebrate Santa and am I really harming my children by not doing so?
Maybe you can enlighten me. Do you celebrate Santa and why? OR do you choose not to celebrate Santa and other imaginary characters and why?
Show me some love folks.
Maybe you can enlighten me. Do you celebrate Santa and why? OR do you choose not to celebrate Santa and other imaginary characters and why?
Show me some love folks.
About Mom Spark
I LOVE this post and especially the fact that you are gracious toward those who may do things differently!!!
We never really made a thing out of Santa. When our kids got old enough to ask, we simply asked “What do YOU think?” and they, in turn, responded that they didn’t think he was real. All we had to do was give them a wink of affirmation and that was that.
I did, however, get a call once from an angry mother demanding that my son tell her children that Santa was real after the kids had had a playground chat on the subject and mine revealed his recent conclusion. I thought that was taking it a bit too far, and had to tell her no. Then this chick said that she had already PAID a guy to walk around outside of her house in a Santa suit at midnight on Christmas so she could wake her kids and drag them to the window to see him!! and that we were RUINING their Christmas!!!
My response was “BAHAhahahahahahaha!!!”
Anyway, I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say Well Done!!
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We don’t do Santa, the Tooth Fairy or the Easter Bunny. We are teaching our toddler that these are make-believe characters and that people like to pretend. We ARE teaching her the story of the real person Saint Nicholas who inspired the make-believe Santa.
I am starting to do the smile-and-nod thing too when people ask if our daughter is ready for Santa. I hate it but if it’s a stranger, why bother taking the time to explain? If it’s someone we know, then I might take the time, depends on how snarky I’m feeling!
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Amy, I grew up in a family who celebrated Santa but my husband and I decided when we had kids that we would let them know the true meaning of Christmas, plus the real story behind Santa (who he was based on and that spirit of giving to others) and although we do “pretend” Santa, our kids have always known the truth. They are both teenagers now but when they were little we did visit Santa at the mall and did pretend he was coming Christmas Eve but they knew it was pretend, just like the ToothFairy and Easter Bunny. We’ve gone through some of the same questioning and people thinking we were weird, but why be normal, LOL? I have never looked down on or judged others for letting their kids believe Santa or any of the other characters were real. I don’t believe my kids have missed out by knowing the truth. We focus more on the true meaning of Christmas and giving to others but still enjoy the magic of pretending too.
I think the treasure chest and clues to hunt for it sound like a very fun tradition! Your sons will grow up with fond memories of it, I’m sure.
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I don’t know why people take it so hard. They must fear that they’re being judged. I think if a person’s immediate reaction is defensiveness, they usually aren’t really mad at you, but at being caught off guard with an opinion they hadn’t considered yet.
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Amy Reply:
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:36 pm
Cindy- I think, for the most part, that is usually the case. I never judge anyone who celebrates Santa, but sometimes they assume I do.
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I grew up beleeving in Santa. It didn’t make me a materialistic kid because my parents explained that I couldn’t get everything on my list because there wouldn’t be anything left for the other kids Santa visited. My parents were also mindful to teach me that Santa and the relgious part of the season were separate and that the relgious part is why we really do all that we do.
My brother & sister in law where the first people I knew that didn’t do Santa for their kids. I was OK with it. They are their kids after all and I can warp then in other ways later.
I’m a little sad that we don’t do stocking with that side of the family. I like coming up wtih stocking stuffer ideas. So my husband and I do it for ourselves and our dog. Only since we are a house of grownups Santa leaves things like bottles of liquer and brandy in our stockings. Yay Santa!
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Sally G Reply:
December 26th, 2011 at 9:43 am
@condo blues,
I had the same experience growing up—the Christmas list was never fulfilled completely—not only must the needs of others be considered, but there would be no surprise—which of the items would really be there? Gifts from Sanat were always wrapped in plain green or plain white tissue paper—wonder why not red?
We still hang stockings, and my niece and nephew are 19 and 21, respectively. My sister sneaked down to find my niece still downstairs, not willing to let Mom fill the stockings while she was still awake! I told her that, as the kid, it was her responsibility to help out by AT LEAST hiding out in her bedroom, if she did not want to go to sleep. We all agreed. For us, it is lots of fun.
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My husband wanted to go the Santa route, but I was raised to know the real meaning of Christmas early. We compromised. We told the kids about Santa, but left many clues that Santa wasn’t real. When they called me on it, I told them that “believing” in Santa was part of the deal or “Santa” might not come.
Now my boys are teens and each year at Christmas, they smile, ask me to tell Santa what is on their wish list, and wink. It’s a lot of fun.
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We celebrate, but we are upfront with our kids about the fact that it is fantasy and make-believe. We do let them know than many kids believe it’s real, and to keep it a secret.
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It’s great to hear all of the different opinions since I’ve never really met anyone that didn’t want to teach their kids about Santa. My family grew up in a non-traditional home, traveling a lot, never having a core group of kids, so it was unlikely that we would hear Santa stories and impossible for Santa to bring presents to us in the traditional manner. I remember shattering someone’s Santa dreams once. It was devastating for them. As for my children, this is something pretty important to me as I don’t want to lie to them about anything. There is still so much love, magic, & joy in Christmas without Santa, I don’t believe we need him. It will be a quite a battle though as my guy completely disagrees.
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Thank you for this post and thread. I found you while I was googling info on how NOT to tell your kids about Santa. I am pregnant with our first child, and my husband and I really don’t want to do the Santa schtick. (My husband hated that his parents had lied to him, even after he had confronted them that Santa wasn’t real, and I hated being crushed when I found out he wasn’t; I cried for a long time and felt like Christmas had been ruined.) But I have never met anyone else who doesn’t follow the Santa tradition. Reading everyone’s comments made me feel less alone and gave me some ideas on how to handle the situation later on. Thank you!
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Amy Bellgardt Reply:
December 21st, 2009 at 7:19 pm
You are not alone. I was so surprised after I wrote this article that so many were living the same as us. I don’t think anyone should feel forced or obligated to celebrate Santa if they don’t wish to, you know?
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Sally G Reply:
December 26th, 2011 at 9:47 am
@Sarah,
I suspect that a large part of your husband’s problem was that his parents would not acknowledge his understanding; they took away his power of reasoning, or tried to, in asserting their authority. It is always best to follow the child’s lead on this; if they question something, help them to figure it out for themselves.
The spirit of giving and generosity, and best of all doing so anonymously, is certainly the most important.
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That’s funny, I just posted the same type of thing about not doing the Santa thing! It’s true, people think it’s weird, but we don’t care. My kids will straight up tell a stranger Santa is not a real person and look at them like they are crazy. LOL
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Amy Bellgardt Reply:
December 21st, 2009 at 7:20 pm
Ha! Well, my son keeps to himself about Santa. He knows some families participate, so he’s very quiet about it.
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Sally G Reply:
December 26th, 2011 at 9:50 am
@Tasha,
I hope he doesn’t do that to other kids, who may believe. Part of the magic is making it real for others, and I think he would enjoy that. For adults, no worries, of course—although being mischevious as I am, I would point him toward NoradSanta.org.
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Tasha Reply:
December 26th, 2011 at 11:30 am
@Sally G, Oh no. We have taught them not to ruin the fun for others. If their friends say they believe in Santa, they just go along with it.
Tasha´s last [type] ..Oh Holy Night
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I don’t teach my daughter Santa either. It’s a religious thing for me because I don’t want to confuse her. I don’t want to tell her hey there’s a Jesus and there’s a Santa and they’re both very similar, yet one isn’t real. She sees it on the Christmas shows, etc but, I don’t teach it to her and frankly I don’t understand why so many Christians do it either? It’s prob because they always did it? I don’t discriminate but, I see what you’re saying about others having a prob with you not doing it. I get stink eye here and there.
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Amy Bellgardt Reply:
December 21st, 2009 at 7:23 pm
Yeah, same here. It is a weird message to send, in my opinion, too. (about Jesus vs. Santa) I think Santa, in some ways, is more for the parents than the children! It may make us adults feel like children ourselves? I dunno. To be honest, I look at Christmas as more of a worldly holiday, and I am a Christian. There is no commandment in the Bible saying we should celebrate Christ’s birth- it was something we created.
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Sally G Reply:
December 26th, 2011 at 9:53 am
@Melanie B,
Wait a minute, I am an atheist, and I know that Santa was based on St. Nicholas, not on Jesus. If anything else, I see the magi as more of a forerunner than Jesus—who wasn’t born in December, anyway, but in September, I believe.
Christians started celebrating the birth of Jesus at the time of the winter solstice to coöpt the pagan holiday celebrating the beginning of the long climb out of winter to a warmer spring.
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Melanie B Reply:
December 26th, 2011 at 10:48 pm
@Sally G, Sally, I’m not sure if you understood right? I was only saying that because I teach my children about Jesus, I don’t personally want to confuse them with the Santa thing. I did teach my daughter this year actually about St. Nick and that he was a wonderful giving man. I told her that a neat story was created about him and now they call him Santa.
Also, I know that the Winter solistice and Christmas mostly go hand in hand. There are no commandments for or against celebrating such a holiday so I do celebrate it but, I don’t go hog wild and am trying to teach my daughter about giving. And, I think a majority of studies have shown Jesus’ timeline and his birth being in Spring-specifically April
Melanie B´s last [type] ..Merry Christmas And Happy Holidays!
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Well, I can totally relate to the way you feel, I mean, what’s to celebrate about Santa, first of all!
I have to kids, and both of them know that Santa is a made-up character (who takes credit for the gifts I buy with a lot effort). Our children are very creative and very imaginative they don’t need
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My girls “know” Santa and when they get older we will tell them about St. Nicholas, the actual person who inspired the story of Santa. They have both actually been to St. Nicholas’ grave so hopefully we can make the distinction that one was real and one was fiction easily.
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I believed in Santa when I was a child it was exciting. It became mysterious as I got into school and started to question it. I think I kept it till I was 9.Then did not care about Santa till I had my own kids and just naturally gave it to them. I even used it as leverage to get them to behave. At 27 I became a clown in parades and parties. I enjoyed making kids laugh. But clowns are really scarey to a lot of folks( tough Job). Not even thinking of Santa. One day at a Jaycee Christmas function their Santa did not show and I was asked to put on the Suit for the first time. There was about 200 kids k-2nd grade. I was reluctant because i know i’m fake and everything is just taped on. What a disappointment if I fell apart in front of all those kids.But it worked and the look those kids gave me as Santa just warmed my heart.Some were happy some were nervous, some could not think of what to ask for some had lists.so many mixed feelings. but mostly joy.I’ve been doing it ever since
33 years. Now I wear a long white beard that is real. I selfishly perpetuate the lie. Because I still get those wonderful looks of amazment and wonder I got 33 years ago. The world is just filled with hardships whats the harm of making fond memories that get passed through families for generations. But I agree it is not for everyone. If I didn’t get the opportunity I did 33 years ago,perhaps I wouldn’t care either.As for the non believers when they ask if i’m the real. I tell them that it is for them to decide.The kids can really come up with some great stuff on their own.Today Madison Avenue wants us all to believe!
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Sally G Reply:
December 26th, 2011 at 9:58 am
@Bill Perillo,
You “get it” completely! Thanks for sharing your experience with us. There is a wonderful post today (26 Dec. 2011) from Anna and Kellen’s mom about her kids recognizing Santa with Mrs. Claus eating at another table in a local restaurant. You all help keep the spirit alive. And you are right, if you turn the question around, you hear great minds working, whatever decision they make.
Enjoy!
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I know this is an oldie (but goody) post but I so appreciate it right now. We made the decision to not “do” the whole Santa thing too. I am in the process of writing a blog post about it now…and I’m a little nervous about it! People just never react very well when we tell them that Santa doesn’t come to our house. Hopefully my blog post will be somewhat well received…it’s nice to know we aren’t the only ones leaving Santa out of Christmas!
Cassie´s last [type] ..Mario and Luigi take over Halloween!
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Mom Spark Reply:
November 4th, 2010 at 10:44 am
@Cassie, Don’t be nervous about it. It’s your choice to not celebrate Santa and it certainly isn’t a law or Christmas requirement.
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Joy Reply:
December 7th, 2010 at 8:30 pm
@Cassie, Speak your mind. Don’t worry what others thinks.
Joy´s last [type] ..Hip Homeschool Hop And A Giveaway!
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Growing up in a Jewish household, I never had Santa… and I’d like to think I turned out pretty darn okay. Sure, it’s still strange when someone asks me what I’m doing for Christmas and I go “Oh, probably just chinese food and a movie” (because that’s the Jewish tradition, of course!) but my imagination is still pretty awesome.
My parents cultivated our imaginations in other ways, like giving us books to read (gasp!)
Lindsay´s last [type] ..Calendar Roundup
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Mom Spark Reply:
November 4th, 2010 at 10:59 am
@Lindsay, Hey, movie and Chinese food sound pretty awesome to me!
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Lindsay Reply:
November 4th, 2010 at 11:00 am
@Mom Spark, Totally is… although now, more Chinese places are closed on christmas so it’s gotten a little more difficult. Really though, I think it’s good what you’re doing– your kids get a better sense of why they actually celebrate the holiday, and it’s not just about giftsgiftsgifts, ya know?
Lindsay´s last [type] ..Calendar Roundup
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Mom Spark Reply:
November 4th, 2010 at 11:08 am
@Lindsay, There is a Japanese place that we just adore that we visit on Christmas day! It’s our tradition now.
Yes, we are trying, and the kids still get gifts, but we try to circle back to reality.
Sally G Reply:
December 26th, 2011 at 10:03 am
@Lindsay,
Santa has never been about giftsgiftsgifts to our family, believers though we are. Yes, we sent him letters with lists, but never got everything on it, sometimes got things we needed, and there was always a book for christmas—helped kids have more to do during the day than just open a bunch of presents!
We also took turns watching each other open our gifts, one at a time—got to appreciate each other’s pleasure, see their reactions to what we gave, etc.
Santa is NOT about materialism; Santa is about (anonymous and signed) generosity.
Introducing Santa to my children was something I thought long and hard over. I remember as a child the wonder and excitement that Santa brought, and I want my children to experience that, however, I don’t want Santa to be the focus of Christmas.
I am raising my children to know the true meaning of Christmas. The day we celebrate the birth of our savior, Jesus Christ. We do not “celebrate” Santa, we celebrate WITH Santa. We celebrate the promise God gave us.
Kerri´s last [type] ..Giveaway by Meli Anna A
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It doesn’t bother me that you (or anyone) doesn’t do Santa, but I will be honest, my husband and I have had conversations (long ones) about people who skip the Santa thing, because to us, it was such an intense, magical, exciting, amazing part of our childhood that we can’t fathom it any other way.
My parents told me there was a Santa, we left out milk and cookies, we received gifts signed “Santa”. It was one huge LIE that I was so sad to see go when I found out the truth. I would not change that lie for anything, haha.
In fact, I still feel twinges of that excitement just remembering my childhood, and I can’t wait to live it again through Evan.
But yeah, people do things in different ways, no biggie!
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Mom Spark Reply:
November 4th, 2010 at 12:48 pm
@Crissy, I hear that a lot, Crissy, and I totally understand that point. We try to still make the holidays (and all days for that matter) special by doing our own traditions that don’t include Santa or any other characters as being real.
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We do celebrate Santa…well, b/c we aren’t religious and so I guess we need something
But, I love hearing how others celebrate!! TO EACH HIS OWN! Diversity is a beautiful thing!
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Loved the post. We celebrate the birth of Jesus. But we also celebrate the giving of Saint Nicholas. It is up to each family how they celebrate the holidays. I know what I believe and what I am trying to teach my children. As you are doing your best to teach your children the way you believe. We all do it differently.
Blessings to you!
Joy´s last [type] ..Hip Homeschool Hop And A Giveaway!
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We don’t DO Santa, but I didn’t realize there was a problem with it. My kids (now parents themselves) never really bought that this one man could visit all the kids in the world on the same night. We did not actively not-do santa, we just thought of him like you said, as another super hero character from cartoons.
With my grandkids who are 2 and almost 4, we celebrate Christmas as any other Holiday. We exchange thoughtful gifts, enjoy work holidays and spending quality time together. I don’t get disturbed if someone celebrates it or not…everyone has a right to do what they want as long as they don’t hurt someone else in doing so.
Happy Holidays…whichever they may be!
Anna
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We did Santa. In fact, I still, to this day, believe in Santa, even as an adult. Because I AM Santa. So I guess we still “do” Santa.
Our kids loved the magic of Christmas and the wonder and excitement of waking up to toys that mysteriously appeared overnight under the tree, and my husband and I laughed and “Ssh”-ed each other as we put toys together and wrapped last-minute and stayed up way too late making Christmas perfect, only to wake up ridiculously early on Christmas morning and see it all again through our kids’ eyes, and it was all worth it. All the sleepless hours and the cursing as we tried to put bicycles together or wrap huge toys…it was worth it, because they have the same love for Christmas that I do, that my husband does.
And when they got older, and they asked about Santa, I asked them not, did they believe in Santa, but how they thought the presents ended up under the tree. They mused on it a little bit and said, “I think you and Dad get us the gifts.” And we said, “So…does that mean there is no Santa? Or that your Dad and I are Santa every year?” And they *got* it. They realized that we did this all for them, that we saved and sacrificed and went to all that effort to make something special for them, Some day they might do the same for their kids. So now they understand how wonderful it is to give, and to be Santa for someone. They don’t need a messiah who sacrificed himself on the cross, someone they have never seen or heard or known, to teach them. They see us acting out of love every day.
We didn’t go to church when I was a kid. I know Christmas arises, originally, from both pagan and Christian beliefs woven together, and I’m okay with that. My children have learned to question, and to be curious about the world around them, and they have learned the value of family and of giving to others and of sacrifice. And I think they will do just fine whether they turn out Christian, atheist, agnostic or buddhist or who-knows-what.
So maybe you just choose to “do” Jesus instead of Santa. And that’s okay, too. In the end, we arrive at the same place.
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Sally G Reply:
December 26th, 2011 at 10:08 am
@Viv,
Thank you, thank you! My family’s experience, too. And you are so right, the appreciation of generosity, giving, and saving/sacrificing for others (without guilt/martyrdom) is the final “take-away” for all, however it is achieved.
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I think it’s wonderful that everyone can celebrate in their own way! We’ve always done Santa, Why? I don’t know? When I was a child we were fairly religious, going to church twice on Sundays and once on Wednesdays. Santa was still a big part of the holidays for our family. In fact I still do “believe” in Santa event hough I causght my parents “doing” Santa when I was around 8 or 9. It didn’t spoil it for me I just realized howmuch they enjoyed makign my Christmas special. I love bringing the magic of Santa to our Christmas celebrations for my own children. That doesn’t mean I’m shocked your family doesn’t do things our way though, I love hearing about other traditions! We try to teach our children that Santa isn’t all about the toys, it’s about feeling joy from giving to others and caring for others not just during the Holiday but all year long
Great post!
Henrietta´s last [type] ..Two New Winners!
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I actually just posted on why we DO Santa. We just ,like many other things, don’t choose to look at the big red suit as the way the world views it (like many things with the worlds view of sex, of marriage, or money)……IN fact……….I TRULY “I ” believe in Santa and …….2 years ago when I was desperate and sick and unable to do anything……presents just arrived on Christmas morning. I am writing a whole series on how Jesus isn’t lost in the season. We have the biggest birthday celebration ever each year….and everyone is invited.
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I grew up believing and as I had kids it kinda stunk that I had to give credit to an imaginary being for the awesome toys. But, I did. Last year we told our oldest who was 10…we thought it was a good idea, but now I don’t know it’s like the magic of Christmas was gone for him. So now, we try and make him a big part of the “Santa” doing with us. It seems to help, but it’s not the same looked he got as with before. Did that make sense?
TheChickenista´s last [type] ..Gimme Your Givies- Wordless Wednesday and Blog Hops
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Mom Spark Reply:
December 9th, 2010 at 11:55 pm
@TheChickenista, I would start a new tradition. As I said above, we hide all of the presents Christmas morning and leave a note with clues to find the stash. We have done this for years now and he looks forward to the fun!
Mom Spark´s last [type] ..Cool Finds- Gift Ideas For The New Mom
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Sally G Reply:
December 26th, 2011 at 10:15 am
@TheChickenista,
I wonder that you were concerned with “Santa” getting credit for gifts you bought—weren’t YOU Santa? Jealous of whom? I also question how and why you “told” your 10-year-old that there was no Santa; although I still believe at age 57, at age 10, my sister was 2, and I was helping by “being an elf”. There seems to be more here than just a Santa story; hope all is well otherwise. How was it this year?
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Each year we try to stay focused that we are celebrating the conception of Christ on Dec 25. We do very well on Dec 24 as we are just with our own little family. The extended family is another thing. They like to believe in Santa. So I’ve told my children….if other children think Santa is real- do not tell them differently. However, my children know that Santa is not real- well almost all my children- this year my 4 year old is insisting that Santa is real no matter how many times I tell her ‘he is not’. I give up on that one. Some times we play the “Santa Game” where we pretend that Santa will come in the morning with presents- but we do not do that every year. And this year is special for us because we will be celebrating Christmas Day with just our own little family……….So I’m trying to think of what special things I’d like to add to our day to focus on Christ. I’d love some ideas. Then the next day we pack up and go visit the extended family and will have Christmas with them a day later.
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We do Santa in our house. My oldest knows the truth but he knows if he tells then the presents will stop. My middle son and my youngest believe. I think of it as fun. Now I will not straight out lie to my kids if they ask me but I will ask what they think and if they think Mommy really has all the money to buy the presents they get and I ask where they think I stored them all year. They then believe again. (I use coupons/deals and free stuff I win as presents). I even went as far to throw purple feathers on my middle son when someone told him the tooth fairy was not real since he was totally crushed. He had recently lost a tooth and to this day he talks about how he rolled over on the tooth fairy. I think it is harmless since they know the true meaning and have asked if we can bake a cake n Christmas for Jesus.
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Sally G Reply:
December 26th, 2011 at 10:36 am
@Karen Perea,
Brava! Great story. Although a threat of no gifts seems to be a bit much; isn’t the joy of keeping belief alive for the younger ones enough? And challenges that make them think are wonderful, as long as you don’t overpower their reasoning with “cause I said so”; that sort of authority is hurtful, I think. (But I may not know everything, either.)
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Showin’ you some love…. we don’t either.
It’s just how we roll. We have a little elf that plays hide and seek and that’s it.
I didn’t do Santa growing up either.
Kate @ Songs Kate Sang´s last [type] ..Project 320 275 Giveaway
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Amy Reply:
December 14th, 2010 at 11:48 pm
@Kate @ Songs Kate Sang, Thank you for the support, girl.
Amy´s last [type] ..A new Christmas tradition
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Amy, it is great that you brought this up. We share your views and not that we don’t care that some of our friends have a generalized view of Santa in relationship to Christmas, we just don’t celebrate him the way others “normally” do and it was a personal choice to tell the truth about him not being real to our now 6 year old daughter. So one day, she told her BFF ( a year older than she is) that Santa is not real, the whole nine yards and they ended up arguing about it. Her parents got upset with that and told us to tell our daughter to not say anything about that topic again because they don’t want to change their daughters’ perspective on Santa! They’re my friends but I thot that was BS – can’t handle the truth? Who knows.
Maricris of Zensible Mama´s last [type] ..Dial® Diaries- My Skin Care Challenge – Week 3 Diary Entry
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Mom Spark Reply:
December 15th, 2010 at 9:49 am
@Maricris of Zensible Mama, I just tell my son to keep it to himself, and he’s pretty good about it. He constantly asks me why parents tell their kids Santa is real, and I just say it’s important to them for their own reasons.
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Sally G Reply:
December 26th, 2011 at 10:18 am
@Maricris of Zensible Mama,
Sorry, it was irresponsible of you to not tell your daughter to play the game with her friends. I personally would let a child reason out the reality for him-/herself, and if a child decides that Santa is not real, then it is time to teach the joy of giving to others, not just materially, but giving fun and enjoyment—keeping the Santa dream going.
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Amy,
I grew up not believing in Santa and I turned out OK. We didn’t celebrate xmas all the time either, again I turned out ok. I think people think children NEED to do certain things that everybody else does but if you tell your children the reasons “WHY” you choose this, then they are just as healthy as all the others! I told my kids early BUT when we watch Miracle on 34th Street- we all look at each other and say…That IS the real Santa…lol You can still get excited at any age to see a made up character. Think when you go to Disney, how exciting it is to see Mickey. I wouldn’t worry about others thoughts (not that you do)
Rachel Ferrucci´s last [type] ..Touch’d Bath and Body Twitter Party
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Mom Spark Reply:
December 15th, 2010 at 9:45 am
@Rachel Ferrucci, Yes, exactly! I think there is a misconception that kids will somehow be damaged by not participating in the belief of a real Santa, but that is SO far from the truth. My kids still have an active imagination, are creative and full of love!
Mom Spark´s last [type] ..A new Christmas tradition
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I have posted before about my family does not do the Santa thing. I have been the victim of the same reactions as you. Funny thing, I never tell parents they should NOT tell their children to believe in Santa. Not sure why so many feel the freedom to criticize my family’s choice. That’s okay, I’m used to swimming up stream. When you are a homeschooling, independent Baptist, conservative, who doesn’t do the make believe stuff you get used to it.
Richele´s last [type] ..The Perfect Gift
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We do the Santa thing, but we down play it. I don’t want Santa giving my kids big expensive things that they don’t need. Each year Santa does less. I guess I’m trying to wean them. He fills their stockings with a few things.
I prefer to focus on the true meaning of Christmas and that it’s more important to give than to receive.
Jill @ Mormon Surrogate´s last [type] ..The Christ in Christmas
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Sally G Reply:
December 26th, 2011 at 10:22 am
@Jill @ Mormon Surrogate,
Interestingly, Santa seems to share parents’ values, regardless of what they are—wonder why that is? He never went overboard with us, either, atheists that we may be.
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That’s funny, because in recent years I’ve seen a LOT of judginess (new word!) against parents who bring Santa into their homes, because it’s a “lie.”
Frankly, I think people spend WAY too much time thinking about what other people are doing in their own homes.
I say we all ruin our kids in our own unique way.
Eryn´s last [type] ..Raising Adventurous Eaters
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Mom Spark Reply:
November 18th, 2011 at 8:45 pm
@Eryn, Oh really? That is interesting. I haven’t seen that. Either way, it is wrong to judge.
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This is actually very insightful. I never questioned teaching my daughter the whole Santa thing. I just kind of figured it goes along with Christmas.
I really like your point of view though. Why lie and try to keep your children believing in something that they’re going to find out is fake anyway. I’ll definitely still keep with it though, I like the fun that goes along with it. But I respect this outlook so much I almost considered not going along with the hype.
Great post, I’m very happy to have come across it.
Brittany Stewart´s last [type] ..Lifestyle Change and a Bottle of Wine
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Mom Spark Reply:
November 21st, 2011 at 12:05 pm
@Brittany Stewart, Thank you, Brittany. I guess the ultimate purpose of the article is to open minds on both sides of the issue. I appreciate your honesty.
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Thank you for this post! We don’t do the make believe, because I want my children to know I will always tell them the truth, and expect the same from them in return. I just came from church were someone jumped down my throat because my 5 year old said in class that he doesn’t believe in Santa. Would we act the same way at church if a child said that about Jesus! Please don’t encourage or ask my child to lie, and let me the parent, parent! I don’t criticize the parents that do teach the make believe.
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Amy Bellgardt Reply:
December 4th, 2011 at 1:47 pm
@Jenn Claus, I have been fortunate that my oldest son has always kept it to himself regarding school and friends. I don’t quite understand why parents take Santa so seriously, but I try to respect their privacy and certainly don’t try to “convert” anyone, including children. Thank you for your comment!
Amy Bellgardt´s last [type] ..No-Brainer Recipe: Easy Chili and Sweet Cornbread
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Allison Zapata Reply:
December 4th, 2011 at 3:26 pm
@Jenn Claus, I totally get and respect that. But, to some people Jesus is make believe too. Love hearing everyone’s different beliefs.
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Mom Spark Reply:
December 4th, 2011 at 4:14 pm
@Allison Zapata, Yes, true, although Santa is not a faith. Or is it?
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Sally G Reply:
December 26th, 2011 at 10:24 am
@Mom Spark,
Yes, I would say it is.
No Santa for us either. My husband says he works damn hard to buy those presents and he wants the kids to know that they came from him not some fat man from la-la-land. Ha! I couldn’t really argue with that! We have always told our kids though to go just along with their friends about Santa. Just because we don’t believe in him doesn’t mean we should ruin other people’s fun!
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Mom Spark Reply:
December 4th, 2011 at 2:13 pm
@Tasha, That is a great way of looking at it! I think that kids appreciate presents from their parents just as much, if not more. Also, when kids know that their parents are purchasing the gifts, there is less expectation of expensive gifts because families are on a budget. With the Santa belief, there is really no cost limit and it based only on if the children are good or not. BUT saying that, I would never try to ruin other belief systems. It’s each family’s business and life.
Mom Spark´s last [type] ..No-Brainer Recipe: Easy Chili and Sweet Cornbread
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Tasha Reply:
December 4th, 2011 at 2:19 pm
Exactly! My kids just asked me today why kids don’t figure out that Santa isn’t real when they ask for expensive stuff and then they don’t get it! I was like, huh, good question!
We tell our kids about a whole lot of things, every family does things different. Our saying is “God made you a Lehman and this is the way the Lehmans do it. God made them the Smiths and that’s the way the Smiths do it!”
Tasha´s last [type] ..Delicious Sea Salt Treats From Pinterest!
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Mom Spark Reply:
December 4th, 2011 at 2:26 pm
@Tasha, Yes, it’s interesting when you really analyze what Santa represents these days. What was originally (St. Nick) a symbol of giving to those in need has because giving only to good children with a HUGE focus on stuff. With Santa, there is no limit to what he can do. The Christmas season is already full of temptations to indulge, with food, presents, etc. without that additional element. Know what I mean?
Mom Spark´s last [type] ..No-Brainer Recipe: Easy Chili and Sweet Cornbread
Tasha Reply:
December 4th, 2011 at 2:34 pm
Totally get it. I wish the tradition of what Santa really stood for still remained. I’d let my kids get behind that! I get that it’s all about fun and magic for most people and that’s totally fine. But we definitely have chosen the simplicity route when it comes to Christmas. Our kids are still super excited and full of anticipation. Just for different reasons!
Tasha´s last [type] ..Delicious Sea Salt Treats From Pinterest!
Sally G Reply:
December 26th, 2011 at 10:32 am
@Tasha,
Because those of us to whom Santa delivered know that he delivered gifts all over the world, and that nobody gets everything he or she asks for. And sometimes Santa gives family gifts—like the color TV that we had been asking our parents for seemingly FOREVER—everybody in the neighborhood had one, it seemed. He placed it under a table in the living room, and my sister and I were so focused on the tree—finding the ornament that Santa had left, looking in the stockings, everyone opening the less-expensive gifts under the tree—that Mom and Dad had to push us toward finding the television.
Santa is only human, after all—a special ability to travel the world in a night, but only so many elves, only so much per person with so many in the world.
Santa is so much more than “what did I get?”; that is really the least of it, at least in my family.
we absolutely do Santa (and the rest). There is something magical about “believing”. I don’t find it to be lying. I never felt my parents lied to me about Santa, I feel like it’s a rite of passage for every child. I learned the tooth fairy wasn’t real when I was about 7 – but I never let on. There is just something fun and magical about them.
Katie´s last [type] ..Help a cat find a home in Denver
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Mom Spark Reply:
December 4th, 2011 at 2:22 pm
@Katie, I hear that a lot from those who ask me about why we choose not to celebrate. I recently had a conversation with my almost 12 year-old about his thoughts, specifically if he felt deprived of the “magical” aspect of the holiday. (and other holiday/event characters – i.e. Easter bunny, tooth fairy, etc.) He said the holidays were still (and remain) a magical time. It is the change in season, the lights, gathering with family, the food and activities that make it magical. It was an interesting perspective!
Mom Spark´s last [type] ..No-Brainer Recipe: Easy Chili and Sweet Cornbread
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I honestly don’t care either way. I don’t spoil it for someone if they’re playing the make believe game with their kids, but if asked by a kid for an honest answer, I won’t lie.
Curt´s last [type] ..Filled Stuffing Muffin Cups
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Mom Spark Reply:
December 4th, 2011 at 2:14 pm
@Curt, You know, I haven’t had a child ask me that and I honestly don’t know what I’d say! I would probably not respond!
Mom Spark´s last [type] ..No-Brainer Recipe: Easy Chili and Sweet Cornbread
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Sally G Reply:
December 26th, 2011 at 10:38 am
@Mom Spark@Curt,
The best answer is “What do you think?”; then use the cues to answer at the appropriate level for the individual child—at least in my opinion.
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I grew up having Santa visit but hubby didn’t and together we chose not to lie to our children about anything. Having been on the other side of the lie myself and remember how hurt I was that my Mom had lied to me all those years after constantly telling me to never lie to her. I didn’t want that for my boys. I didn’t realize there were so many of us non Santa families. We seem to be the minority here where we live. My 7 yr old has learned the smile and nod very well. He also knows that its ok for other kids in his class to pretend and to keep his thoughts on Santa to himself so he doesn’t hurt anyone’s feelings.
Mama Bee Does´s last [type] ..KitchenAid Classic 250 Watt 4.5 Qt. Stand Mixer #Giveaway
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Mom Spark Reply:
December 4th, 2011 at 2:16 pm
@Mama Bee Does, You know, since I wrote this article a couple years back, I have heard from more and more non-Santa parents. More than I thought there were, so it’s nice not to feel alone. I still think we’re the minority, though. I think for most families, it’s a custom/traditional that isn’t really questioned.
Mom Spark´s last [type] ..No-Brainer Recipe: Easy Chili and Sweet Cornbread
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I went along with the Santa thing when my daughter was younger and we all really enjoyed it. It was FUN! But my mother took it upon herself to tell my daughter when she was 8 years old that there was no such thing – which was heartbreaking for my daughter to find out that way, and annoying for me not to be the one to have the discussion with my daughter. I appreciate that you aren’t like my mom and let others have fun with it if they chose to!
Jennifer @therebelchick´s last [type] ..The Only Banana Bread Recipe You’ll Ever Need!
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Mom Spark Reply:
December 4th, 2011 at 2:41 pm
@Jennifer @therebelchick, Oh no!! That is absolutely heartbreaking for a child. I remember when I officially found out. No one told me anything, but I witnessed my dad wrapping presents (rather loudly, it woke me up in the middle of the night) in the living room. I was SO confused.
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Yes, we do santa in our home, the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy too!!! My kids love it. But, my kids also know the true meaning of Christmas and we give and donate like crazy around the holiday season, so my kids love to give and help out too.
Shop with Me Mama (Kim)´s last [type] ..Handmade Gifts For $25 And Under!
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Thanks for writing this! We don’t celebrate Santa either. Hubs and I both grew up in conservative Christian homes where the emphasis of Christmas was on Christ and having a spirit of thankfulness for our gifts and the givers rather than “naughty vs. nice” to earn favor with an omniscient elf. LOL. My parents always got “the look” when people would ask me what Santa was bringing me for Christmas and I would reply, “nothing, but I’ve asked my parents for ____ and hope I get it.”
We didn’t grow up with the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy either, but we still got Easter baskets and money under our pillows from our parents. I’d wake up to a dollar under my pillow and give my mother a hug and a thank you. I hope my daughter will have the same appreciation.
However, I was taught not to go around enlightening other children. My daughter will be taught the same. She will not be bursting anyone’s bubble on the playground!
Jenn´s last [type] ..December Winners
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Great post, Amy! We handle it exactly like you. We don’t get to much flack about the Santa thing, but not doing Halloween sure gets us some confused looks. – lol
Glenda´s last [type] ..Limited Edition OXO “Be A Good Cookie” Spatula Give Away and Support For Pediatric Cancer Research
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Mom Spark Reply:
December 5th, 2011 at 8:18 am
@Glenda, Oh, I bet! My husband grew up not celebrating Halloween either.
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Just for the record- We have no issues of Santa being a character at Christmas, just like Frosty the Snowman, or a superhero. We have decorations of Santa in our home, too. We just treat him as a make believe character like the others.
Mom Spark´s last [type] ..Cool Finds: Handmade Advent Calendars
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We did them all when my kids were little and the only caveat I would hope is that you also teach your children it’s not their job to spoil the fun for other children…it seems too many get too much delight in sharing their knowledge! I don’t get why one group ever gets to judge the intent of someone else; after all they are fictional right? Though I sort of love the idea of Peter Pan.
Barbara | Creative Culinary´s last [type] ..Merry Christmas Meringue Cookies with White Chocolate Decorations
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Mom Spark Reply:
December 5th, 2011 at 5:19 pm
@Barbara | Creative Culinary, I agree and we would never do that. I have taught my oldest (my youngest is still too young to explain it quite yet) and he has been great about keeping it to himself.
Mom Spark´s last [type] ..Cool Finds: Handmade Advent Calendars
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Great post! I grew up in a home where we knew Santa was not the real meaning of Christmas and never once felt left out in any way. My parents always made sure we had just as much fun with Christmas as any other kid. I am glad my parents did not lie to us. They felt very strong that if they told us that Santa was real how would we believe them regarding the Birth of a Savior.
Thanks,
Ruth
gingerlyspice´s last [type] ..unique collectible Christmas ornament in green and gold
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So glad that someone else said it!
Well, we do do Santa, kind of. We always explained to our children he isn’t real, and then try to explain Saint Nicholas to them and that is how the tradition got started.
We still fill their stockings and sing Christmas songs with Santa Claus in them, but explain it is more in holiday tradition.
I am a sucker for this time of year. I like getting into traditions.
What I don’t like is lying to my kids. I feel like that was part of the reason I didn’t believe in God as a child.
As a Christian I want to be really clear to my kids about faith, belief, and the truth about things we can’t see.
Jamie´s last [type] ..The King Of Love May Have Been Dethroned…
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Mom Spark Reply:
December 8th, 2011 at 8:59 am
@Jamie, We are the same in that we aren’t anti-Santa, just anti-real Santa.
Thank you for your great comment!
Mom Spark´s last [type] ..How to Get Blogging Jobs: Professionalism
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My son is 3 this year and my husband and I are in conflict over Santa. He grew up believing in Santa. I didn’t. In my family it was a game – we all knew Santa wasn’t real and my parents “tried” to convince us he was. Same for the Easter Bunny & the tooth fairy. I am the youngest though, so I don’t know if this was always the case for my brothers too but I suspect it was. I have a real problem telling my son that Santa is real. I don’t mind doing it as a game, as long as he knows it’s pretend, but my husband almost seems heartbroken that I can’t bring myself to tell him he’s real. He thinks it’s harmless and that I’m overthinking it. I just don’t feel comfortable lying to my kids!
Anyone have a spouse that disagrees with you?! For now I just avoid the subject with my son. He sees Santa in cartoons and gave him a hug when we looked at Christmas lights tonight, but we don’t talk about who he is or what he does. He hasn’t asked at all. I think he just considers him like another cartoon character he sees at Disneyland! But I have to make a decision soon I guess, cuz my husband really wants to do Santa and cookies this year. Even if it means we only tell him Santa does stockings or something little like that. Am I being too much of a stick in the mud?
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Mom Spark Reply:
December 11th, 2011 at 6:04 pm
@Angela, I don’t think you’re a stick on the mud at all! Although it seems like it should be a small issue to decide, it really isn’t. It’s a long term commitment! Since I haven’t been in this situation, it’s tough to give advice, but I think the best thing to coming to a compromise. Maybe you could go through the rituals of leaving out cookies/milk, but let him know he’s not a real life person? This is a tough issue and I’m sorry you are going through it. At the end of the day, if you feel uncomfortable telling your son that Santa is real, you shouldn’t do it. (in my opinion)
Mom Spark´s last [type] ..Holiday Dessert: Cathedral Windows
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Sally G Reply:
December 26th, 2011 at 10:44 am
@Angela,
My sister was uncomfortable with “lying” to her kids, but went along with it. She did nothing to disabuse them if/when they decided that it wasn’t real—and we all still do stockings (they are now 19 and 21).
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We don’t do Santa. Well we make jokes and talk about it but my kids know that is isn’t real. We celebrate the magic of Christmas and the birth of Jesus. We also ‘play’ tooth fairy. My dd came in and said ‘MOM! you forgot to put money under my pillow” lol then handed me her tooth. Opps.
I just didn’t want to lie to my kids. We aren’t anti -Santa either and my girls know it’s our secret and not to tell the other kids.
We get a lot of strange looks and comments when people find out. ;P
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Great post on the topic: http://www.blogher.com/no-noah-theres-not-santa-claus?wrap=blogher-topics/family/religious&crumb=106874
Mom Spark´s last [type] ..Cool Finds: Last Minute DIY Gift Ideas!
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Misty @ The Family Math Reply:
December 19th, 2011 at 3:47 pm
@Mom Spark, Thanks for sharing my BlogHer post and for taking a moment to comment. I finally feel like there’s someone else who understands what I was saying! I’m not trying to take away anyone’s fun or kill the spirit of Christmas, I just want to do what I feel is best for my family, even though it’s not the popular choice.
I think you and I feel much the same way about the topic. Happy to have found a kindred spirit!
Misty @ The Family Math´s last [type] ..Pinned: Red wine olive risotto
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Mom Spark Reply:
December 19th, 2011 at 4:00 pm
@Misty @ The Family Math, Thank YOU for writing the post! I’m with you, I’m not here to take away any family’s belief, I just want acceptance of my own. When I read posts like yours I don’t feel alone. I am sorry that some of the comments are a little negative. This is a very sensitive issue for some. Keep doin’ what you’re doin’!
Mom Spark´s last [type] ..Cool Finds: Last Minute DIY Gift Ideas!
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