The Results Are In… (J&K+8 Spoiler)

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jon_and_kate_plus8 So if you haven’t watched the Monday night “announcement” on Jon & Kate Plus Eight, do not continue reading…

Again, why do I care? I just finished watching the episode and it resulted in the obvious divorce prediction from most of the media, and you, who left comments. I cannot say that I was surprised, but yet, I sorta was at the same time. I was mostly taken aback at Jon’s demeanor and some of the things he said about it being a “kinda exciting, but scary” time. Exciting? I also didn’t like that he brought up the fact that he is only (32), as if he needs to be doing something else other than working on his marriage. He mentioned that he was very proud of himself for not being passive anymore, and I agree with that to an extent, but I think he’s taking it a little too far.

I think Jon was too passive the past ten years. They even mentioned in past episodes that he would bottle his emotions up, then just explode out of nowhere. It’s obvious that Kate is very overbearing, and she would wear on anyone’s nerves, but it was his own fault, as well, for being too silent. Isn’t it Dr. Phil who says, “We teach people how to treat us?” I think for the first time in his marriage (or soon-to-be divorce) he feels empowered for standing up to her, and I suppose that is why it is “kinda exciting.” jon-kate-twins-fb

There was no conversation about counseling or marriage help, so we really don’t know if they tried before coming to their decision. Kate said Jon would not talk to her, and honestly, I wouldn’t either if I were Jon, unless I had a counselor or mediator there to assist. They kept saying, almost at nauseum, that they were doing this for their kids, but they never mentioned what they would be willing to do for each other? This makes me the saddest of all.

I don’t know where the show will go from here, but I can’t imagine it being very pleasant to watch. It would be foolish to assume that we won’t see the kids hurting or confused, and that is just terrible to think about. Gosh, I just wish they could get over themselves and find respect for each other and stick it out “for the kids.” It’s so hard to see a family go through this.

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It’s not very often that I get personal my blog, but this J&K+8 story really hits home . I was eight (the twin’s age) and my brother was five (the sextupet’s age) when my mother left my dad and filed for divorce. It was devastating, not only financially (I’m sure the Gosselins won’t have this problem), but, obviously emotionally. As a 33 year-old, I STILL deal with the issues of abandonment, insecurity, and anxiety in my relationships. I often fear that if things are going well, they will soon be taken away and all hell will break loose. I respect the Gosselins for putting the kids with one parent at all times, which wasn’t the case for my brother and I, who were often left alone to fiend for ourselves.

I’m not here to judge anyone who is or will be divorced, whether it is justified or not. I’m just speaking from the perspective of a kid who has gone through it. You always hear that kids are resilient to divorce, but they aren’t. They may seem somewhat okay in the moment, but there are long-lasting effects that need constant attention. (I think many parents forget about this)

Who knows, maybe there can be “peace” as Kate said tonight. Maybe they’ll realize how much they really do need each other and come back together. Only time (and episodes) will tell. My only prayer for them is that they follow God’s plan, whatever that may be.

Would love to hear your thoughts.

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25 comments so far

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You know…I kinda went through this kinda thing with my own marriage about two years ago….It seems like the men of this generation have a mid life crisis when they hit 25-30 and want to go “live and explore”…it is so sad that there is almost always children involved. With counseling, I was able to save my marriage…but it is just a shame that people refuse to take a look at themselves and the roles they played….I get where Jon is coming from, I really do…..but he is being very selfish and immature. You do not run away from your problems, or rather, go with some girl to a bar and party…that is the cowardly way….aside, yes, Kate is very overbearing and she has yet to really acknowledge her role in all this. I read a book that really opened my eyes by Dr. Laura Schlessinger: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. All wives should read this!

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Jeanna
Jun 23rd, 2009
My parents were the ones who stayed together, and personally, I wish they hadn’t. Although being from a broken home sucks, being in a broken home is worse. Watching my mom utter loathe and hate my dad was heart wrenching and painful. Watching my dad beat and abuse my mom was even worse. I don’t know what goes on when the cameras are off at their house, but the way Kate treated Jon was so much like my mom’s attitude toward my father, it hurt me to watch.

We also don’t know what happened when the cameras were off. Did they have counseling? Did Kate call Jon every curse word in the book constantly, as I suspect, when no one was around? Did Jon cheat on her, and was he even the one to cheat first or the one to get caught?

I love my daughter, but if I felt trapped in an abusive relationship going nowhere, with a narcissistic control freak, I’d get out too…and I’d be happy about it.

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Jen
Jun 23rd, 2009
I am assuming there was no physical abuse in their relationship, but the way Kate has treated Jon in the past did seem mentally abusive, in my opinion. We only see snippets of their lives, so it’s really hard to assume anything.

It seems as if Jon is fed up, which I can’t blame him for, I just didn’t like the things he said about being excited about it.

Maybe they have had pastoral guidance or counseling, who knows? Either way, it is extremely sad for the kids.

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momspark
Jun 23rd, 2009
Great perspective, as usual, Amy.

First, I’ve been thinking lots lately about why everyone (including myself) care about this. Well, I think, for me, I’ve been watching for a long time. I’ve come to actually kind of care about them. So, in a weird way, it’s like seeing my friends get a divorce.

Second, everyone is very eager to put the blame on “crazy” Kate. And I have been on that band wagon too! And from what I see and read, with good reason. But when I watched the show tonight I was saddened by Jon’s selfishness. I don’t think they have sought counseling but Kate seemed like she would be willing to seek that path where as Jon was just ready to be done.

They have said before that neither of them have a great relationship with their own parents (I know Jon’s dad has passed and they were close with them) and since they seem to have cut Jodi and Kevin out of their lives, it’s clear they have no example of how to have a healthy and happy marriage.

They talk about how they would do anything for their kids…it’s a tough story to swallow.

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Emily
Jun 23rd, 2009
What a shame. I really enjoyed watching the early seasons of the show, and I feel for the kids, they are the ones who will be dealing with the fall out of coming from a broken home.

I think it takes a special kind of guy to deal with Kate — and John just didn’t seem like the right one. On the one hand, I think she probably crossed the line because he let her walk all over him, but I don’t think she alone is to blame. She needs a guy who can stand up to her in a firm and non hostile way to keep her in check. I don’t think John could ever do that, and now that he has finally stood up to her, it is just in regards to getting a divorce. So that is pretty sad for them.

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Ali
Jun 23rd, 2009
So sad. I had high hopes for them. Sadly there are way to many things to look at I do feel like Jon just had enough of Kate, but like he said it was his fault for being the way he was for so long. This is horrible and sadly the divorce rate are higher even among “christian” couples. I hope and pray they realize they need each other and start ALL OVER!

I cried, and went and hugged my husband even more tightly last night.

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Donna
Jun 23rd, 2009
I’d have to agree with you on this. It breaks my heart. I know they’ve been going through this a long time and want resolution, but I feel like they are being too quick to write off their marriage.

Obviously some changes need to be made. They said they’d do anything for their kids. Well, how about getting help on how to learn to live together again, about how to learn to fall in love again? Won’t they do that for their kids?

I mean, with eight children, by the time those children grow up and start having relationships with other people, that will be a whole lot of people whose lives will be affected by this monumental decision. What we do has direct consequences on others.

Jon and Kate have fallen in the trap of a lot of people in America that think they have a right to happiness no matter the cost to others.

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shawna
Jun 23rd, 2009
Shawna-I agree with your last sentence. Marriage isn’t a fairytale, it’s hard work and takes constant effort. Because he suppressed his voice and “took a beating” for so long does not give him the right to bolt OR the right for Kate to be the victim, which I think she is trying to be.

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momspark
Jun 23rd, 2009
I think to put it plainly, Kate won’t walk away from the fame and money. So, Jon walked away from her. I think he is too far gone for counseling.

I am sorry to hear your story of divorce. Scott comes from a broken home. His parent’s divorces and his Dad left when he was not even 5. To this day, he is effected by not having his real Dad in his life. So, I understand in a way, even though my parents aren’t divorced.

I think things for the kiddos on the show are only going to get worse as long as there is still a show.

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Sara Bonds
Jun 23rd, 2009
If you watch their body language, Kate is hurting and it did look like she’d do anything to save the marriage. I thought her eyes looked like she’d been crying for a while in the interview.

Jon’s body language pretty much said he was done. I don’t think he’d even try counseling.

The part that everyone seems to miss is that they have a contract with TLC which would have serious ramifications if they break. They have no choice but to continue with the show. It annoys the heck out of me when people say Kate won’t give up the fame. How do you know that? Do you know her?

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Lisa
Jun 23rd, 2009
Lisa-yes, that is a good point, they are committed to a total of 40 episodes, which they cannot break. I don’t think she’s choosing fame over her kids, but I do think the show is getting in the way of their personal life. All they can do is not renew for Season 6.

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momspark
Jun 23rd, 2009
so so so sad 8 kids:( My heart is breaking for them(the kids)

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Nichol
Jun 23rd, 2009
Seems to me that a woman who’d been stifled by an overbearing man in a marriage might also express “excitement” about the prospect of finally having her own life–and we would probably applaud her for it. Emotional abuse is just as bad as physical, IMO, because it destroys the soul as thoroughly, if not moreso. But we’re much less tolerant of men who finally say “enough,” while at the same time making heroes of women who do.

Just my two cents.

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Andi
Jun 23rd, 2009
I honestly don’t see how getting a divorce is ever “For the kids”. I don’t understand how J&K can go from wholesome and Christian to this. It is truly sad. I’m praying for their family.

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Alyssa
Jun 23rd, 2009
I agree with you Alyssa.

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momspark
Jun 23rd, 2009
Alyssa:

In regards to your comment about how they can go from Christian to this…all I can say is that fame and money are very deceitful. Fame can make you abandon your principles under illusion of “what is best for family” or “I deserve this” or “I’ve worked too hard to quit now.”
Sad that morals and principles are so easily abandoned for fleeting happiness.

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Emily
Jun 23rd, 2009
Lisa-

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/06/23/jon-kate-divorce-papers-l_n_219804.html

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momspark
Jun 24th, 2009
It says this:

“They have been living ’separate and apart’ just within the last week or two,” said Jon’s attorney, Charles Meyer, using a term from the divorce petition.

Week or two. Not year or two. Confused.

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Lisa
Jun 24th, 2009
Yeah, I’m hearing two different stories here, who knows what is true anymore.

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momspark
Jun 24th, 2009
This explains it much better:

http://www.tmz.com/2009/06/23/jon-and-kate-divorce-papers-are-deceiving/

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momspark
Jun 24th, 2009
I started watching this show when I was on maternity leave because it gave me such inspiration that no matter how difficult (I thought) I had it, there were people with so much more going on that were making it work. I was surprised at home much Monday’s episode bothered me because I guess I saw it coming. It really was sad and I wish I’d turned it off so as not to support what seems like an awful experience to expose to a wide TV viewing audience. I think if they were doing it for the kids, they’d just stop taping as soon as possible.

My parents separated when I was 10 I think (shocking that I can’t even remember) and it was a good thing for my family. Sure, it rocked me and I’ve always struggled with feeling like I missed out on having a strong family foundation, but my Mom and my older brothers made up for that in spades, and I still have a good relationship with my Dad. I think I was old enough to know that it would cause more pain if they stayed together. In the case of J&K though, how can those sweet little babies comprehend that. It’s sad.

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Jessica
Jun 24th, 2009
Deep down, I feel they didn’t get to “live and explore”, but they should have done that together. Because I only have TWO kids, they are often invited out for sleepovers on the same weekend, and I can do the “explore” thing in tandem with my husband. We got married young too, had kids young too, but we’ve grown in many ways because of each other, not in spite of each other. Kate said she would not marry Jon as the person he is right now. I wake up every day thankful I am married to my husband. He is not only an amazing person, but has helped make me who I am today.

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RunningBetty
Jun 24th, 2009
From my hubs mouth: “Personally, I know how you get at the end of a crazy day with 3 kids and if I’m not doing what you need for me to do – that’s my fault for not stepping up. Sure, there’s 2 sides, and yah, they’ve both played a part in this downward spiral, but being overbearing isn’t a solid reason for divorce. She’s got 8 kids – even with helpers, even with being a control-freak, she’s allowed to be nutty. She can learn how to use her words wisely and now that he’s got this new-found strength to stand on, stand on it. But stand on it with this woman you chose to be your wife. Their babies aren’t babies anymore, marriage is supposed to get better from there as long as they want it to be.”

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Sarah Bean
Jun 24th, 2009
I think above all that it is unfortunate that they are going to continue with the show. Divorce is traumatic enough- kids shouldn’t have to go through that in front of the cameras.

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Melissa Multitasking Mama
Jun 25th, 2009
Melissa- I agree. TLC could end the show if they wanted to.

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momspark
Jun 25th, 2009