Can she handle adult decisions?
While chatting with a friend yesterday, I found out that she had left her 9 year-old home alone while the rest of the family went out to eat. I was very shocked to hear this as this seems very young to me, but she felt peace about it. She told me that she trusted him and didn’t worry about it at all. I then started wondering if I were an overprotective mother, because I was baffled. However, I did grow up home alone at an all-too-young age and will probably always overcompensate for that. But still, what age is okay to be home alone?
Children obviously develop and mature at different rates, so I suppose an appropriate age would depend on the child. My oldest, who is 10, is very mature and smart for his age, but I still can’t image leaving him home alone for any length of time. What adult decisions would he be forced to make on his own, and could he handle those decisions at 10? Sure, it’s nice to think that everything would run nice and smooth, but what if something went wrong? Let’s be realistic, having a telephone nearby doesn’t always save the day. What if someone knocks at the door and says, “Your house is on fire!” Should they believe it? What if the house really is on fire? What if the child gets hurts and can’t get to a phone? Are the cable tv and internet safety locks on when they’re alone? What about guns & alcohol? There are so many scenarios that run through my mind…
I think we have to be careful in assuming that our mature children can handle grown-up situations. Is it fair to put them in those situations?
I would love to hear your thoughts.
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About Mom Spark
I have left my 9 year old home once, while she was sick and I needed to get some meds, and didn’t want to drag her along…it was for maybe 15 minutes, and I wasn’t very comfortable with it.
According to the authorities, when a child knows what to do in situations like you mentioned…is when they are technically allowed to stay home, there is no age they suggest.
But maybe starting in small intervals will help in feeling a bit better about it.
I know my daughter isn’t competent enough to be home alone for much more than 15-20 minutes…or maybe I don’t giver her enough credit.
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Rachelle Reply:
March 1st, 2010 at 11:28 am
@Donna, It really does depend on the child. I left my 10 year old boy at home alone all the time, once I felt like he knew how to respond to certain situations. However both he and I were uncomfortable leaving him for longer than 30 minutes at first. It is important to establish some rules and check on them. He was not allowed to have friends over when I was gone or be on the internet or even answer the door. Now that he is close to 12 he often babysits. I fretted and fretted about the babysitting but I finally realized that it was inappropriate for an 11 year old boy to be alone in my house with a 13 or 14 year old girl and I didn’t feel comfortable with a teenage boy babysitting my two daughters. I still don’t go great distances while he is babysitting but he is capable of caring, putting them to bed and he is very protective of his sisters’ safety.
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9 seems young to me. I’m also wondering why a person would take the rest of the family out to eat and leave one behind. That’s strange to me. My oldest is only 5, so maybe I’ll change my mind later on, but I think that sounds awfully risky.
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Mom Spark Reply:
March 1st, 2010 at 11:25 am
@Cindy, From what I understand, he didn’t want to go out to eat with them.
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Kim Quinn Reply:
March 5th, 2010 at 4:20 pm
@Mom Spark, Then you don’t go out. This isn’t a situation where you had to go. There are situations that are true emergencies, this wasn’t one of them. Besides the safety issue what message are you sending to this child? I want what I want and you don’t count! Kids are not a fashion accessory, not for our convenience, they are to be a priority in our lives.
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My kids are 5 and 3 so I haven’t had to worry about this yet; the only thing we’ve had to deal with is my 5 year old stubbornly insisting he IS old enough to stay home alone, and us explaining to him repeatedly that it is NOT ok, heh. After several of these discussions, I happened to learn that apparently there is a legal age they are allowed to stay home alone, at least in my state (Illinois). And it’s 14. FOUR. TEEN! I actually think, depending on the maturity of the kid, that that’s a little old. And I DO think it depends on the maturity of the kid.
The National SAFEKIDS Campaign recommends that no child under the age of 12 be left at home alone.
I don’t really have a set age to weigh in with myself, simply because my kids are so young. But I can say this is a question I’ve considered since my first was born, knowing that at some point this will come up. Hell, I’m not even comfortable letting them play alone in the backyard for a little while yet (and I’m pretty sure I was playing outside by myself with my friends at around my son’s age!). I know the world is different now… but leaving my kids home alone is going to be really tough for me.
At the same time, i don’t wish to place judgments on other people’s decisions because they know their kids much better than I will ever know their kids, and I believe these sorts of decisions should be left up to the parents. It actually bothers me that there are states with actual laws on the books regarding this matter.
Here’s a website with more information on it.
http://www.latchkey-kids.com/latchkey-kids-age-limits.htm
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Mom Spark Reply:
March 1st, 2010 at 11:51 am
@Kristi Dorson, Thank you for offering that resource, I didn’t think about including them in my post. I’m not sure that 14 is too old, like you said, just depends on the kid. Plus, a mature 14 year old is still not a mature adult, you know?
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Ok as a mom who has kids ranging from nearly 21 to 8. I can honestly say, that it totally depends on the kid, the environment ( meaning your house the neighborhood and more) , the time and the access to other adults that are responsible, and the preparations in getting the child ready to be alone. But the most important factor is the kid themselves. My daughter was always responsible and very mature. I could leave her alone at 10 however there was a nearby support network and she enjoyed it. Others actually started having her babysit with me as her support around that time. The next child I did not feel comfortable leaving him alone until he was 14 and then he would get in trouble so I never felt comfortable leaving him and he’s an adult now. My 8 year old during poor timing issues has actually been alone in our house for an hour at a time, it does not make me comfortable but he has the cell phone, and our house has video surveillance that we could watch online until we could get home. Going back the biggest factor was the child, then the ability to have support and safety.
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If you have not already done so, go to this link: http://www.familywatchdog.us/Search.asp Enter your city and state then click ‘search’. There are 184 listed sex offenders in my city.
My son is 8 years old and being home alone for him means I’m in the backyard with the dogs or carrying in groceries from the car. That’s not going to change for several years. No amount of inconvenience is worth my child’s life. I can’t imagine what it would be like to come home and find my child’s lifeless body that the mother of the 9 year old in Hawaii who hung himself while she was at the store.
For the most part, I try to follow the “hope for the best but prepare for the worst” mentality and preparing for the worst to me means being ever-vigilant about my son’s safety. His life and well being are not things I gamble with, and I think leaving any child home alone is a gamble.
When my son is old enough to drive and have a job, then I’ll feel comfortable leaving him home alone but until that time, it is just not a risk I’m willing to take. Ask yourself what parent ever said “I wish I would have left my child at home alone” compared to those parents who have said “This wouldn’t have happened if I had not left my child home alone”.
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Mom Spark Reply:
March 1st, 2010 at 11:53 am
@Terri K, Yes, I didn’t even mention the whole sex offender angle, which is a HUGE concern for children who stay home alone. Criminals look for kids who walk home alone, too. Scary.
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kellie Reply:
March 1st, 2010 at 1:45 pm
@Terri K, thank you for that web site..i never knew that i had 28 in my town
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Claire Reply:
March 5th, 2010 at 3:35 pm
@Terri K,
We knew that we had a sex offender living on our block but never knew what he looked like (we found out after we moved in that he had moved in down the block). This site provided a photo and detailed information on him so now we know WHO to look for in our neighborhood. Thanks for the web site!
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Kim Quinn Reply:
March 5th, 2010 at 4:34 pm
@Terri K,
O.K. had this been an adult alone they would have had little recourse. This was a crime that ANYONE could have been the victom of. So does that mean no one ever stays alone?! That could be a bit impossible. Unfortunately society releases sex offenders back into society, be they violent or not. You can not prevent all crimes. You can only take reasonable precautions. We hear of these types of crimes all the time even in safe environments. There is no way to be 100% safe. So posting this type of example only inspires fear and I will not live in fear.
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My oldest is 8 and I wouldn’t leave him home alone yet. Well, I run to the corner to get the mail but that’s about it. He has argued to be allowed but I’ve told him we’ll talk about it when he’s 12. And not wanting to participate in a family outing would never hold much weight with me – family outings (like dinner!) are for all of us, like it or not, lol.
But I think 10-12 might be old enough for very short periods of time for good reasons, like the running to the store for meds example.
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Kim Quinn Reply:
March 5th, 2010 at 4:37 pm
@Laurie,
So are you saying your would drag an unhappy 9 year old out to dinner (assuming it wasn’t a big special occasion) rather than being more flexable and cooking or getting something in? We don’t know the details but it seems to me that ALL family memebers have to be considered not JUST THE ADULTS. Sounds like you believe it’s your way or no way. Good luck with that.
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Laurie Reply:
March 5th, 2010 at 6:05 pm
@Kim Quinn,
I always consider all my family members but nope I wouldn’t allow my 9yo to dictate to me any more than I let the 2yo. Being part of a family means we need to try and do what works for the majority most of the time, and if we’ve decided that choice is eating out, so be it. It’s not just about the ADULTS either, it’s about the family as a whole and respecting that we eat dinner together as much as possible.
Would you let your child 4yo decide when he goes out to dinner with you or not? Your 6yo? My children will be old enough to choose to stay home alone when they are responsible AND when they are willing to cook their own, sufficiently healthy, meals. Probably around 12-13 yo, but we’ll see based on their own maturity.
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Mom Spark Reply:
March 5th, 2010 at 8:09 pm
@Kim Quinn, In my household, the parents make the ultimate decision. We take our children’s feelings in consideration and sometimes a compromise is drawn, but we never let our children make the decisions for us.
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Frank Reply:
May 21st, 2010 at 12:53 pm
@mom spark.
I’m in total agreement. What parent lets a 9 year old (or any child) dictate the family’s schedule?? If the child had some legitimate reason, that is one thing. But to say the family wont go out cause a child “doesn’t fel like going”? Who is in charge here??
MAybe all family membes should be “consisdered” but not all have equal weight. A family is NOT a democracy.
My oldest is 16 and youngest is 10. I does depend on the child. I could leave my oldest home at 9-10. She could even keep an eye on her brother who is a year younger and sister that is 3 years younger. But not the youngest, he was too much of a handful. I would never leave her more than 1/2 hr. Now my now 10 year old. I do not trust at home by himself. He is not mature enough. Not even with his sister who will be 13 this month. He can stay with my 15 and 16 year old. But that is it. Shoot, I still dont let him ride his bike farther than the block, and not even around it, just to the corner.
It all depends on the child and how they react to a situation. To help deciding, role playing works well. But you are right, you can never prepare for every situation.
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My boys are 12, 11, 10, and 9. It definitely depends on the child. My kids hate going grocery shopping, and I admit that it’s easier to shop without them, so the first opportunity they had to stay home alone was of course when we went to the grocery store, which is less than five minutes drive away.
My oldest two have been allowed to stay home while we go get groceries for about a year and a half, almost two years now. The youngest two, I can’t say that I would allow the same privilege, they can be quite mischievous together.
Now, our boys are only allowed to stay home if I know we’ll be an hour or less, and only during the day before 7:00 pm. On a few occasions I’ve allowed the oldest two boys up to two hours by themselves, but it’s never been more than that.
Fortunately, I work from home so I’m here most of the time, the kids don’t have to get off the bus to an empty house or anything like that. I had to do that as a kid and while I got used to it quickly, that initial moment of getting home was always an anxious one.
We had a hard time deciding when to let our boys take on the responsibility to stay home while we were out getting the groceries. While it was a small start and a short period of time they really appreciate the amount of trust we put in them when we gave them that piece of freedom to decide if they want to go along or not, and the youngest two are looking forward to when they are allowed to make the same choice. They make such a big deal about it, you’d think we were throwing them a party by letting them stay home for that one hour.
On a similar note, there is the topic of letting your kids go outside to play alone, or walk down the street to their friends house. Those are all things I did at their age without a second thought from my parents … but in today’s world those are things that we have to seriously consider and weight the options on. Unfortunate, but true. Like you said, the scenarios that run though a mom’s mind these days … scary stuff happening out there every day.
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We just started with this “issue” recently. So many times my husband and I want to go to the store together, but the kids don’t want to come.(can’t blame them) Last fall we started with trial runs. My younger son was almost 11 and older one was almost 15(I should mention older child is high-functioning autism) so we had to look mostly at abilities of younger brother. Here are some of our rules:
Luckily we live right in town and a five minute drive to home from pretty much anywhere. We never go further. Never. Younger son always has his cell phone and knows to call at the slightest sound, doors are always locked, blinds closed. Also, I feel a big plus is that we have two dogs that at least “sound” really scary from outside. Overall, they do well. I have to say a feel from the child is so important. So often, they want to please us as parents so they just say yes that they are fine, when really they might not be okay or comfortable with a situation.
We basically, are not gone more than an hour at a time. And not very often.
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I have a 14 year old and I didn’t leave him home alone until he was about 11 and even then, when he was alone, it was only so I could run to the grocery store, pharmacy or pick up takeout for dinner. Until he was 12, if either parent weren’t going to be home for longer than an hour, or would be in an environment where taking a phone call (such as movies or in class) was going to be a problem then we hired a babysitter. If we were going out for dinner whether he liked it or not, he would have had to come with us. He certainly was not allowed to stay home without a parent after dark until he turned 13 unless he had a friend with him and even then it would be for the shortest time so I could pick up dinner for them.
He was also not allowed to walk home from school alone until he turned 13 … but when I say alone, he was walking with friends 90% of the time. I’m surprised by how many little kids I see walking to and from school alone, without even a friend. What are those parents thinking?
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Mom Spark Reply:
March 1st, 2010 at 12:45 pm
@* TONYA *, “I’m surprised by how many little kids I see walking to and from school alone, without even a friend. What are those parents thinking?” Tonya-I ask myself this question almost everyday. I see 5 year-olds walking to school every single day. I honestly want to scoop them up and drive them myself, but then I would look like the creepy one. Many of the kids I see walking are all alone. Totally alone. Even in a safe neighborhood, it doesn’t seem safe or responsible.
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Jessi Reply:
May 21st, 2010 at 12:49 pm
@* TONYA *, I imagine that many of them are thinking about the jobs they can’t afford to lose.
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i just started to leave my 14 yr old home alone..but for no more then 2 hours..i would not trust him for much longer..he has mh/mr issues.
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In my opinion 9 is a bit young. Although every child is different and it’s hard to say what’s right and wrong. When my son was 9 I wouldn’t have left him home alone to go out to eat. He’s 11 and I haven’t left him home alone yet.
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My kids kind of got tossed into staying home alone. My mother was living with us and had some slight dementia, but nothing to bad at first. I would leave my girls 7-4 with her while I went to take care of my Mother-in-Law who had Alzheimer’s. Well this did prepare my now 8 & 5 yr old girls to stay home along. Just before my MIL die, by mother started going down hill. I found out that my oldest daughter was basically doing a lot of things for her. I had taught her all about safety in the home, kitchen, phone you name it we have gone over it. So now, my mother has moved out to an adult family home, and I have no problem leaving my girls for a short time (1hr). I trust the 8yr old completely, the 5yr old NO WAY. She is still not mature enough to handle it. By the way when I was taking care of my MIL. I was gone for about 2 hours and would take them with me when I could.
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I am the minority here I guess…my kids are 13 and 8 and we have left them home alone together for over a year. They are both very responsible, and know that even the smallest infraction of our “house rules” results in the loss of the privilege. It is a privilege, and one that every child should experience at some point.
Yes, the times are different but that doesn’t mean that everything must be different. Yes, there are predators are every turn, but you can’t protect a child from everything. They could go to a daycare and a parent could be a predator…there are no guarantees. My husband and I feel that teaching our children the right way to react, the proper way to handle such a situation is the best defense for them. I don’t want my children to be afraid of every single thing that may or may not happen to them.
That being said, it is never at night and they can reach us no matter what on our cell phones.
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Funny I was just thinking about this. When our oldest was 12 (almost 13) she took the babysitting course and we started to leave her alone with her 9 year old sister… I was nervous, but it seems to go alright. We pay her what we paid a sitter so it isn’t to save money, but mostly Big Sis DOES NOT want a sitter and I finally caved – lets face it she like s the cashola too. I will say she isn’t interacting with Little Sis like a sitter would and she doesn’t always watch what she’s eating etc. Big Sis was talking that next summer she wants to get a real job, so that would leave Little Sis just 11 and I wondered if she’d be okay alone. I think so, she’s pretty mature and she wouldn’t be babysitting anyone. I would seriously consider one of those stay at home courses that are offered for kids though.
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I once asked my local police department about this. (My kids are 9 3/4 and 11 1/2). They told me that there is no ‘actual’ age given for leaving a child home alone. However, they did say that if a child under 12 (or even older depending on the situation) is left home alone and something happens resulting in a neighbor or the child themselves calling the police (or other emergency service), the parents can be charged with child neglect.
I have only once left my daughter home alone when she was too poorly to be taken out of bed to the Pharmacy for a prescription the Doctor called in. It took 15 minutes … and it was not a good feeling to leave her. Only this month have I let my daughter walk the 1/4 mile to school (we are on the same road as the school). My son started walking to school alone about a year ago.
A child who is sensible in a normal situation is not equipped to instinctively know what to do in an emergency. Just because they learn how to dial ’911′ at school – doesn’t mean they will act rationally in a stressful situation.
Has anyone commented yet on Madeline McCann?
Sue
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I was left home alone once, when I was somewhere between 9-10 years old. I was home sick for school and my mom had to go out for about 1.5 hours. We lived in a small town where people go on *vacation* and don’t lock their doors. What could happen, right?
About 30 mins after my mom left, a Culligan-type guy was standing on my front porch, in uniform, ringing the doorbell. I was strictly instructed NOT to open the door for any reason. But he was in a uniform, so he had to be an “official” and “trusted” right? He had a van in the drive, and said he was here to put salt in our water softener. I had no idea what that meant, but I was desperate to prove to my parents I was “grown-up”, so I let him in. I wanted to prove “I could handle it.”
There is no horrible ending to this story. He trucked a giant bag of salt downstairs, did his thing, asked where my parents were, I threw up, and he told me not to open the door to strangers….When I told my mother she went white, almost passed out, started screaming at me (she never screams) and I wasn’t left home alone until I was nearly 13yo.
But what if the story had a different ending? Would my parents EVER have forgiven themselves? Probably not. Why put yourself, or for goodness sakes your CHILD, in an irreversible situation?
Nine is too young to handle worse-case-scenario situations. Nine is too young to be left home alone.
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Mom Spark Reply:
March 1st, 2010 at 6:29 pm
@Melissa Wardy, Stories like this is what scares me. You’re right, what if the story had a different ending?
I was left home alone all night long at 11. I was terrified every night and still have a hard time staying home alone at night. I was way too young and given too much responsibility too soon.
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Laurie Reply:
March 5th, 2010 at 6:10 pm
@Melissa Wardy,
So glad your story doesn’t have an awful end, but a good reminder to anyone who thinks that children are prepared. It’s really hard to judge how they will in an actual emergency or stressful situation, compared to what they will say when quizzed, especially if they want the responsibility so badly.
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Read this and ask yourself what would your child do in this situation: http://www.aoc.state.nc.us/www/public/coa/opinions/2001/001307-1.htm
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Melissa Wardy Reply:
March 1st, 2010 at 4:24 pm
@Terri K, My point exactly, @Terri K…..irreversible harm came upon that child. Why take the unnecessary risk with your child’s safely.
As a former criminal investigator, I’ve had to listen to parents sob over their dead or violate children. I can’t even begin to tell you how many parent interviews begin with “But it was only for a minute/ I was only gone for….” Indeed, and the child predators KNOW that. It only TAKES a minute….
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I have left my 9 yr old daughter home alone to run to pick up a rx, or milk. Its never been for more than 15-20 min and she is extremely responsible. Doors and windows are locked and she knows my phone number by heart.
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9 is way to young, I think for a child to be home alone around 12 or 13 is good. It’s not just the child but an emergency or someone breaking in that the child is too immature for.
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You might want to check with your respective law offices. Our community enforced a legal age limit of no one under 13 to be left home alone after two separate house fires claimed the lives of 7 children. These parents/guardians were criminally charged.
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Mom Spark Reply:
March 2nd, 2010 at 10:31 am
@AJ Anders, I think that is an excellent suggestion. I think most people don’t even know what their laws are on leaving children alone.
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Frank Reply:
May 21st, 2010 at 1:17 pm
How can a community enforce a legal age limit? Wouldn’t that have to be at least a state law?
Don’t most girls start babysitting around 12??
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Hello, I’m from France. I have a 14 years old girl and a 6 years old boy. When she was 9, my daughter stood alone home as we did jogging or something else, never more than 2 hours and never alone at night. We knew that she was mature enough for that, calm and quiet. And as we trusted her, it never happened something wrong. We are living in a small place where everybody knows everyone and it helps.
For my son today, I can let him home alone in the morning for example between 8. ann 9.00, just before my mom come to take him away. He takes breakfast, dresses up and plays. But he’s not as calm as his sister in the same age and I will not be so “large” with him when he will 9.
I thing, every parent must be lucid and not egoistic, It’s a subtil balance between trust, responsability and security. At 9 y.o, we know our children and I think we can decide if they are mature for a little while alone or not!
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I leave my 9 yr old son alone sometimes but usually not for more than an hour at a time. I am comfortable with his maturity level, but I also know that we have several trusted neighbors around who are available in case he needs something. I post everyone’s phone numbers on a central bulletin board, so all my kids (3) know how to contact someone in an emergency.
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Ah, tough subject. I remember my mother first leaving me home alone when I was probably 8, but not for a very long time and she’d always let the neighbours (in our duplex) know I was there and they’d check in.
My daughter is just 12-month-old today but it’s going to be very hard for me to leave her alone even when she is of an appropriate age, I think!
I’d have to agree that it depends on the child, and perhaps also where you live and how quickly you could get to them if they needed you.
Makes my heart all affright just thinking about it! Ack!
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Colorado law says 14 years old. I’m sure there are laws in various states and those should be referred to, because you never know when a neighbor will call the authorities on behalf of your child.
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It really is a tough call.
In todays world, kids are growing up way to fast – I’m trying to balance letting my kids be “kids”, but not having them feel too different to their friends.
We leave our 2 at home, DD is 12 and DS is 7.
They are only ever left at home together (and despite initial worries that they would harm one another it has worked well !!), and for never more than an hour.
They have very strict instructions to never answer the phone or the door.
And we’re only ever a couple of minutes down the road – so can literally run home if necessary.
I’ll be looking in to the legalities of leaving children untended here in Australia. I’m comfortable leaving my kids alone for short periods, but it really is a decision that can not be made lightly.
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WOW – 9! That seems crazy to me. I would think 12 would be better – if the child is mature enough. But 9 is really young to be left alone!
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In my opinion, it depends completely on the child. I started to be left alone for chunks of time when I was seven. It was out of necessity, and I was a very mature child. (I started babysitting my brother when I was nine.)
I know lots of kids who would be fine if left home alone at a younger age. But, I also know plenty of adults that I don’t think should be left alone at home!
All this being said, given changing societal factors, even if my son grows into a mature kid, I probably won’t leave him home alone ’til he’s 10 or 11.
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I live in a military town. On base, service members cannot leave their children alone until they are 12 and then for only an hour. I followed that guidepost for my own children. They may be able to handle being alone before then, but may not mature enough to deal with any emergency that arises. Even at 12yo, I didn’t leave either of my children alone much longer than it took for a quick run to the store.
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My children are almost 13 and 10. My 10 year old stayed home alone three times, the longest amount of time was about 30 minutes. Even then I worried. It was at night too. We had to go and pick up my car and he wanted to stay home. The mechanic is only a mile down the road.
My almost 13 year old daughter doesn’t want to stay home alone. It makes her nervous.
My kids know the rules and I’m confident they will be OK but I worry about things like fires (we live in a 10 unit condo building on the top floor). I also don’t know how they would handle someone pounding on the door.
We have “Latch Key Kids” at our bus stop. My nieces started at 6 years old! Their mother (my sister in law) would let them walk to/from the bus by themselves and stay home by themselves all day long at that age. I thought that was HORRIBLE.
I drive my kids to/from the bus stop and if I let them walk home with friends I still keep a watchful eye on them so they are never truly out of my site.
I agree it’s a maturity thing but still, I worry.
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Hmmmm I am a Chinese, in the Philippines. I think we don’t leave our child alone at the house just to dine out. We don’t really.
Maybe I won’t leave my son alone at the house until he is 16 =) But on 2nd thought, why would I leave my son alone just to dine out =p
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When I lived at the Naval Station, the rules were pretty cut and dry. 10 by themselves (if I remember correctly) and 12 as a babysitter or with a sibling that was under the age limits.
It seemed reasonable to me. I think the thought was that at 10 by themselves they have enough reasoning ability to sort things out FOR THEMSELVES, but to make decisions for others needed more maturity.
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While I think my daughter is way to young to stay home alone (she is almost 5) I do think she is not to young to know if and when she can answer the door and what to do when the phone rings.
She knows that she is not aloud to answer the door. Sometimes I have to jump in the shower or I am taking a nap and someone will knock on the door. She will ask who it is and then come tell me. Then she will run back to the door and tell the person to hold on, Mommy is coming. Once it was Grandma and she still would not answer the door even though she could see Grandma from the front window.
We also keep a list of numbers by the phone. I wrote the numbers down in big clear letters and put photo’s by the person’s phone number. She can not read Mom, Dad and DeDe (Grandma) but the photo’s help. We practice dialing the numbers almost daily but in case of an emergency she can make a call unassisted.
We are glad that we taught her this at an early age. When she was 3 (almost 4) I passed out and fell down the stairs. We were home alone, daddy was at work. She picked up the phone, found daddy’s picture and matched the numbers to call him at work. She told him what happened and then hung up and dialed 911. She told the dispatcher that Mommy had fallen asleep and fell down the stairs. My husband arrived fairly quickly because he worked a block away and our little girl was sitting right next to me with the phone in her hands, stroking my hair, waiting for someone to arrive. I am still amazed at how quickly she reacted and got help for mommy.
It is never too early to start practicing for when they are home alone.
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In Maryland, kids as young as 8 can be left home alone. For me 8 is too young. I started with my oldest at 10. I would leave her while I went to pick up a child at a friend’s house. I budgeted about 15-20 minutes for the journey. I established ground rules for those first times she stayed home alone:
- No eating and drinking.
- No answering phone unless Caller ID showed my number or her dad’s number.
- No answering door. I even told her not to go near door since we have a side window panel.
- I told her not to go out to play with our next-door neighbor.
- I left her watching TV.
- No computer.
As the years went by I eased up on the restrictions. She’s 14 and I feel comfortable letting her cook something for herself. My 11-year-old is a different kid. She does not want to stay home alone. I’m not pushing it,
Here’s a link I found listing ages by state: http://www.latchkey-kids.com/latchkey-kids-age-limits.htm
I wrote an article on guidelines: http://www.typeamom.net/mom-stages/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&Itemid=39&id=2100
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I believe the law is 13 or 14. However, there are times when out of necessity you have to leave a younger child alone. My oldest was 11 or so and I had to take my hubby to the ER. It was late evening and her sisters were in bed. She knew to keep the doors locked and only answer the phone if she knew the number (thank you caller ID). Now she is close to 15 and baby sitting, which we have let her do since she was 13. She is a mature responsible kid and enjoys babysitting. I know other kids her age that I would not trust. I have special needs twins who are 12 but they are no where near ready to stay alone. So applying a generic number isn’t the solution.
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In my opinion, it differs from child to child based on maturity level. I wouldn’t feel comfortable no matter what until the child was at LEAST 11 or 12, though.
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I just started leaving my 10 year old daughter alone when I go on very short runs. For instance on Wednesday she was sick and I left her home alone while I took my 7 yr old son to school. Total time away was less than 10 minutes and she is responsible for her age. For a trip to the grocery store which takes about an hour, I’m not sure what age she’ll need to be. I’ll check back here to see what everyone thinks! And what age should she be to leave her alone with her younger brother?
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My son is almost 11 and we’re at that 30 minutes or less alone kind of time that we’re testing this out. He can be forgetful and unfocused, so I’m nervous leaving him for longer than that really. But, I have to say, just the 15 minutes (while I drop his sister at a school practice) here and there has kind of made him feel very grown up and special. It is one benefit of trying this every so often that I hadn’t thought of–that it would make him proud that I trust him. I still don’t think we’ll budge from more than this for a long while, but so far every 2-3 weeks this is working for us.
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I occasionally got off the bus when no one was home, and be alone for a half hour or so as young 7 and I would often be alone in the house while my grandpa was up at the barn as young as 6. I knew the rules, I followed the rules. Of course, that’s not a good benchmark for every kid, but I could handle it. I would not, absolutely not, wait until a kid is 14 to leave them alone for the first time. 14 year olds are in high school, they have friends that drive, they talk to adults on a regular basis, they think they are grown up. A 14 year old experiencing freedom for the first time could get in way more trouble than a 9 or 10 year old, in my opinion.
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My son will soon be 10 and I have no plans to leave him home alone anytime soon. It’s not because he’s not mature. I’m just too worried about all of the “what ifs” that could happen. I may consider it when he’s 12. I think kids don’t always make the best decisions, and I don’t want to put him in the position of making a decision that could be unsafe because he doesn’t understand the possible consequences of his actions.
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I am the mother of a 21 and 10 year old. My 10 year old has a neighbor child that he plays with, and it came to my attention that this child who is 9 is being left at home alone with his 5 year sister. I find this appalling. Both parents work, and I guess do not want to pay day care. I have been lucky enough to have been home with my youngest, but had daycare for my eldest when I worked outside the home.
Today these people left my son and his friend alone while they shopping. They did not call me to see if I was okay with this, my son called to tell me. My responce was that he come home. He did and brought the boy with him. Should I say anything to these people, or as my own instinct tells me not have my child play with this boy anymore. Our province does not have an official age for children to be left alone. I was a latch key kid and I hated it, my mother was a single parent and could not afford day care.
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Mom Spark Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 11:44 pm
@Karen, I definitely wouldn’t send your 10 yo over there anymore because it doesn’t seem like the parents think it’s a big deal leaving them alone. I’m not sure if you should bring it up or not because it probably won’t change their minds. It would only make it awkward for both of you.
If there are no laws in your province regarding the issue, there really isn’t much you can do.
Mom Spark´s last blog ..The Blogging Community Helps Melissa Garcia -amp Family
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Jessi Reply:
July 2nd, 2010 at 9:17 am
@Karen, I definitely think it was wrong of them to leave without letting you know and I understand your concern. I would say something about leaving your kid alone, but not theirs.
I do think it’s interesting that you acknowledge that your mother couldn’t afford daycare and assume that your neighbors just don’t want to pay for it. I think a little bit of consideration and benefit of the doubt would go a long way in your situation.
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Thank you Mom Spark for your reply.
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