Why We Don’t Celebrate Santa.
No, we don’t celebrate Santa.
Yes, we do celebrate Christmas.
Do we care if you celebrate Santa? Nope.
Do you care if we choose not to? Yes.
Of course, I am generalizing when I say “you.” I’m sure many of “you” have no problem with our decision, and maybe even practice it yourself. I just haven’t met you yet. I am generalizing because MOST of the reactions I get from strangers, friends, and some family members are shock and disappointment. Most of the time I don’t even bring it up, and just smile and nod when the sweet stranger at the store asks my youngest, “Are you ready for Santa?”
You’re probably wondering why we don’t celebrate Santa, huh? First, let me say that we do not discriminate against those who choose to do Santa, The Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, Superman, etc., it’s just not our thing.
Why?
Remember, this is just our opinion, and you have the right to yours, as well. We think investing, believing, and hyping something to the point of calling it real, but is in fact not real at all, isn’t necessary for our children. We think that a child’s imagination and wonder can still be stimulated without these beliefs. That is all. We don’t freak out if our kids see Santa movies or memorabilia-we just teach them that he’s a made-up character, just like Batman or Donald Duck. Our nine-year-old still gets just as excited as any other kid on Christmas day, even though he knows we bought the presents. Presents are pretty darn cool all by themselves. I think Santa is so buried into America’s traditions and way of life, that we do not question why we do it and feel obligated to partake in the experience.
I wonder, why do we get the reaction from others that we do? Why do so many take it so hard? Why is it a requirement to celebrate Santa and am I really harming my children by not doing so?
Maybe you can enlighten me. Do you celebrate Santa and why? OR do you choose not to celebrate Santa and other imaginary characters and why?
Show me some love folks.
For 16 years, I have been the creator & full-time blogger of Mom Spark. I’ve also created content for numerous outlets such as Good Housekeeping, Better Homes & Gardens, & Huff Post.
173 Comments on “Why We Don’t Celebrate Santa.”
I totally respect your choice and completely understand why you do it. We do celebrate Santa and often wonder since so many people don’t anymore, If those kids will tell my kid the truth about Santa. Are you going to tell your kids to keep the secret to themselves?
Oh, and we let Jake believe because its fun to believe. And we aren’t religious. Maybe If we were things would be different. We are teaching Jake that Christmas is a time to share and do good things for others, that everyone has an obligation to give presents to those in need, not necessarily to friends and family. Jake gets one present for Santa, but has had a part in giving dozens to charities and needy families this year.
I love your post…it’s great. Yeah, I fall into the trap of telling my kids about Santa. My fifteen year old knows the truth and is fine with letting the little ones beleive otherwise.
By the time my kids reach an older age (around 10 or so) we do let them in on the whole “santa isn’t real” bit, but for now, I let them think that he is (at least for a little while).
I’m with you on this one. We’ve always had a bit of Santa in our Christmas, but the kids have known from the beginning that he wasn’t real.
If I hype a lie for many years with my kids and then “reveal the truth” I wonder what they think of my integrity in other areas.
We have Santa on our tree, we have Santa decorations, we read “Twas the Night Before Christmas” on Christmas Eve, but the kids have known from the “get go” that he’s not real. That way, we can have fun, and enjoy his jolly character without my own integrity being compromised.
Oh, and for Lora’s sake, yes, we do tell our kids to not blab to other kids that he’s not real. If they’re asked directly, we’ve taught them that the correct response is along the lines of “Well, we don’t believe in him in our family. We just believe he’s a made-up character. Other families have different beliefs, and that’s ok”
Darlene
What a great post!! In our family, we do “believe” in Santa, and that was my choice. I have always loved the “Magic” that goes along with Christmas, and to me, “Santa” is a big part of that. Now, that being said…DH’s brother and his kids do not believe in Santa, and they know that Santa is a made up Character. Part of that is the kids mom is Dutch and they celebrate Sinte Claus who brings cakes and cookies, no toys. The other part is that when DH and his brother were small, they believed in Santa, but the BIL found out Santa wasn’t real he realized his parents had been lying to him his whole life and has never really trusted them since. (Even to this day) They do explain to them that other kids do believe and it’s not nice to tell them otherwise!
Again, Great Post!!!
I forgot to add that our oldest (the second is only one) never talks about it at school or to other kids. He knows that some families believe in Santa, so he respects that.
I agree that Christmas should not be centered around gift getting anyway, but that in itself is a whole other post!
We do Santa…but I have NO problem if you or anyone else doesnt! I’m not sure why it should matter.
Dee-It may have to do with the area of the country I’m in. The locals are hard-core Santa believers, especially the oldsters. I don’t even think my grandma knows my little secret. 🙂
You’re right, Santa is a made up character that really is unneccasary. It makes me made that I have to create someone who doesn’t exist for all the work that I’ve done… working to get the money, working to spend the money (the holidays bring out the bad side of people, especially their driving) and on that very special day, I don’t get the credit for all the work and not to mention, all the thought and love I put into putting together that Christmas morning where they are all smiles…
I think the hype is about an on going tradition… I feel compelled to write To: Avy From:Santa just because that’s how I grew up, but seriously, all the hard work I’ve done this year, and years to come, do you think I will put “From:Santa”???? HELL NO!!!
I want my children to know that these presents, wrapped so nicely for them, sitting under the nicely decorated tree, with all the love in the world, to know that Mommy and Daddy worked hard for them to have a special Christmas…
I support your belief 110%…
sdrake: Ha, I never thought of it that way before. Instead of “sticking it to the man” we can “stick it to Santa!”
We are among the believers and have been since the beginning. For us, it’s fun because the girls enjoy it so much. I have no problem with anyone not believing though. The oldest doesn’t believe, but the youngest is right on the verge. My oldest loves to play it up and she has never once told her sister he’s not real.
Besides, when all is said and done, Santa is really in your heart. He is filled with kindness, and a sense of giving as well as receiving. We are religious, but we still believe.
Thanks for this post! I recently compiled an e-book called Saving Christmas, that helps families rediscover the simple pleasures of Christmas. The contributors to the e-book had fantastic ideas on how to move away from the glitter and gifts, and refocus on what really matters at Christmas
When I was growing up, my family didn’t celebrate Santa, for many of the reasons you mentioned. With our first child, we didn’t celebrate Santa either.
I got a lot of criticism from other parents for making that choice. Some of them still try to convince me we’re depriving our kids by not celebrating Santa.
Our younger child did believe for a while. When she was a preschooler, we had a dayhome and all the kids who came believed in Santa – so it was just easier to let her believe as well, though we didn’t make a big deal about it.
thanks for sharing, we also don’t do santa. we get a lot of flack about it, especially from one set of grandparents. for us, its a spiritual choice. if i tell my kids for years that santa is real (whom they can “see”, at the mall, etc) and then one day tell them he’s pretend: then what’s to make them believe me that Jesus is real, whom they can’t see? my kids still like to put out cookies and carrots christmas eve, we have santa decorations, we tell them they have to hurry to bed so their presents will come, but they know it’s all for fun but not real. they also know NOT to tell other kids. we’ve told them if another kid asks them they are to say “all families are different, you should ask your parents”. at our big family gathering, santa always comes to pass out gifts. my kids are the only cousins that don’t believe but thankfully they’ve never given it away!
Our views are identical!
Santa is based on a real person, St. Nicholas, a martyred bishop from Turkey during the 2nd Century. However, we support the whole Santa Claus thing because both Michael and I have great memories of the feeling of magic and wonder in the sudden appearance of presents under the tree in the morning. Of course, Isabel also believes that all the characters at Disney World are real. I don’t diss people for their parenting choices and I hope I’ve never said anything to make you think we judge your choice.
Jen-No, you’ve never said anything to me about it. You’re one of the few Oklahomans who hasn’t harassed me over it. 🙂
themrs-I totally agree with the point about having doubts about believing something they can’t see once they know the truth.
Not sure if that sentence made sense, but you get the point.
We’re a Santa family. I grew up believing in Santa and when I found out he wasn’t real I wasn’t crushed and I didn’t start thinking my parents were liars. We have 2 daughters that are now 24 and 19 and they also believed in Santa and weren’t scarred by the truth. Our 19 year old still gets Santa presents and her stocking and she plays it up for our 2 younger children. For us it’s not about getting the “credit” for the hard work and presents. It’s for the enjoyment and the fun we all get out of Santa. For the innocent belief in something magical and wonderful that only happens once a year.
I’m a believer of letting people do whatever they want, without comment from the peanut gallery. It’s your life, do with it as you wish. Good for you for not caring what others think. 🙂
My husband and I were discussing whether we should tell our daughter about Santa or just tell her the truth (she’s only 21 months old)…
We are a Santa family, but I think each family has to come to their own decision concerning Santa. My dad had been known to play Santa from time to time. When I was ten, my grandfather told me the older he gets the more he believes in Santa. When I see my dad giving presents to underprivileged kids and my daughter talking with residents in the nursing home, I know my grandfather was right. We use Santa to teach our kids the importance of doing for others.
Thank you for all the wonderful comments!
I agree that this decision should be left up to each family and not be discriminated against either way. The intention of my post was not to dispute whether or not you should celebrate Santa, but why our family get looked at weird for not doing so. I hope that came across okay.
I also forgot to tell you something we do on Christmas day. We take all the presents and put them in a chest before our son wakes up. My husband creates a “treasure hunt” for him with clues that get him closer to the presents. Each year we have a different theme like pirates, aliens, robots, etc. My son LOVES this. It will be fun this year seeing my one year old follow him and finding clues together. 🙂
I TOTALLY respect what you said here. It actually makes sense. I loves believing in Santa when I grew up so I want my kids to believe in him. What doesn’t make sense is the person I know who doesn’t like lying to her kids about Santa but her son thinks Spider man is real…uh, ok. Also, I laugh when people say they don’t want their kids to be “traumatized” when they find out Santa isn’t real. I don’t think anyone is seeking therapy for finding out Santa is a fairy tale!
Emily-I don’t think anyone would need to seek therapy either. I remember finding out by seeing my dad wrap presents the night before (when he thought I was sleeping) and the same presents saying “Santa” on them. I wouldn’t say it traumatized me, but it did make me feel weird about my parents for a while. It would have been easier if they talked to me about than the way I found out. (dad wrapping presents in his underwear while smoking a pipe)
This is an area where my husband I disagree. I prefer not to lie to my kids while my husband tries to convince the whole Santa drops off the presents story. I finally convinced my 7 year old son this year that Sanata is a make believe character and he was irritated that his dad had been lying to him about it. Exactly what I wanted to avoid to begin with.
I really enjoyed reading your post. We do celebrate Santa, but I think the way that you have positioned it to your kids is great! What an original idea – just like superman or some other really cool fictional character! For us, that might work as a good positioning tool when the time comes to “tell the truth”
We’re a santa family for many reasons. We de-emphasize crazy gift-giving by doing “secret Santa” for one person (www.elfster.com is a great service for this).
I have to admit, part of me still thinks that Santa is real… perhaps that’s because St. Nicholas is real.
Happy Winter to you all! We finally have snow!! Yippee!!
@msomustek
Hi Amy, I have been following you on Twitter and am really enjoying your blog.
When I was eight I walked in on my dad putting together a train set for my brother that the next morning was from “Santa” my dad took me for a walk (for him– I was on my new skates) and we talked about Santa being love and that he is not a real person but a real feeling. That special walk between the two of us is cherished memory for me. I say all of that to say that we do have Santa gifts, but will never flat out say yes there is a man called Santa, we will say “what do you think?” and let him make his own assumptions. When he finds out for sure that there is no Santa, we will have the same special talk about love and being kind.
Again, love the blog, and great post. (and if you are in OK than we are not far apart so I do understand the “Santa culture”! Try telling people you are only buying your kid three gifts and see what happens!
No Santa around here. Like you said, we just say he’s like Charlie Brown, or whatever. Pretend, not real. And Christmas for our family is about Christ. I want our kids to be thankful to the Lord, not Santa, for their gifts. And I’ve also heard of children being confused about whether Christ is real or not after finding out about Santa. I don’t want that confusion.
I think every family needs to come up with its own traditions. Those traditions may seem odd to those outside the family, but that is O.K.
We are a Santa, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny family. It is how my husband and I were both raised. When my children were little they totally believed in Santa. When each child was 5 or 6 they started questioning the mall Santa. We said he was a “helper.” All seemed satisfied with this explanation. At 8-10 I got more questions about Santa—I would say “those that believe in Santa get presents from Santa”–think Polar Express. The children seemed satisfied with this explanation.
Now, I would never not give a child presents from “Santa,” but I did want to continue the Santa experience for my younger children. I want to continue the Santa presents until my youngest is a preteen.
The children get two sets of present–Santa presents are in the familyroom and Mommy/Daddy presents are in the living room. My 12 year old just stopped believing this year…I will give myself a pat on the back for this. She was not upset to find out…just relieved to have an answer. We had a first this weekend–I took her shopping and let her choose her own presents. She promised to act surprised in front of her brother and sister!
No Santa here. But we don’t not let them see him at the mall or talk about him. (I was brought up without even Santa deco…too hard core for me!)
My kids know the truth and if they feel compelled to still believe fine, but we don’t go along with it.
I don’t look down on anyone who does believe, this was just right for our family.
We focus more on giving than receiving…don’t get me wrong the kids do get spoiled!
We are a Santa family, but definitely not hard core. We never do the whole “you better be good cause Santas watching” thing. He also only brings one or two presents and the rest are from us. We want the credit, LOL:) We haven’t told Wesley there is no santa (he’s 8), but he is slowly coming to that conclusion all by himself. It has a lot to do with what the other kids are saying at school and the fact that he thinks WAY too much about things.
Santa was short lived, but fun to have while he was around! He filled Christmas stockings – parents and family gave the other presents. As a single mom when my kids were still little, I didn’t want them to think that Santa gave other children lots of gifts and only gave them a very few. But by 1st grade they’d figured it all out anyway.
We are a non-Santa family and this is why: I want my children to know that what I tell them is the truth because I tell them about their Savior, Jesus Christ. If I told them that Santa, the Easter bunny, etc are real and then one day tell them they aren’t(or they find out from a friend), how do they know they can trust me when I say that Jesus is still real? Just my opinion.
We don’t celebrate Santa either. Our daughter knows we get presents on Christmas day because the wise men also took Jesus presents and we give her the presents. She knows Santa is there as a part of Christmas but no she doesnt write to him or wait up for him. I think its important she know that ‘Jesus is the reason for the season’ and not Santa and I know some parents would disagree but I think its important to build the foundation young. We even have a cake on Christmas day, cut it and sing Happy Birthday to Jesus. Yes we do have a tree, yes we do decorate….but we try to keep the focus on the Birth of Christ
My parents didn’t tell me Santa was real for pretty much the same reasons you expressed.
To me Santa was a fairy tale figure like Snow White or Cinderella. I still went to see him at the mall, but I knew he was pretend, and that the gifts came from mom and dad. In fact when I was four I climbed up on Santa’s lap and told him, “You’re just a figment of my imagination.” Something I’d heard my dad say. Poor Santa. He was left speechless.
I was about the only kid who didn’t believe in Santa, and I know I shattered the dreams of more than a few classmates and cousins when I informed them Santa wasn’t real.
My husband on the other hand believed the whole Santa myth as a child. I lost the argument, and he and my in-laws have my oldest believing in Santa now. So I have to keep up the act too, and I can’t help but feel like I’m conspiring to lie to my child.
David’s smart though, and I don’t think it will be long before he figures out the truth. He’s already asked questions like, “How can Santa get that many toys in that little sleigh?” and “We don’t even have a chimney. How Does he get in?”
Thanks for posting this. Now I don’t feel like my childhood was so strange after all.
My husband grew up not believing in Santa, either. At first, I was skeptical, but it honestly made sense to me once he told me why. I know it’s not for everyone, though.
First of all, to each his/her own, right? I do want to say, in response to some of the posts, that believing in Santa in no way harmed my relationship with my parents or my ability to believe what they told me. We do Santa because I LOVED Santa as a child. I love the magic and wonder of it. I love that it embodies the idea of being selfless and giving during the holiday season in a way that is tangible for young children. I love Santa Claus for the same reasons I love Disney World. I know when I walk into that park that it’s designed to evoke this feeling or that, but it’s a place of wonder, even if it isn’t “real.” I want to raise children who believe in imaginary friends and the world of make believe. I think that kids grow up far too quickly and that we rob them of their ability to imagine and create by telling them that there are only right and wrong answers. Santa is just one more way to help them imagine the impossible. It saddens me that so many parents made Santa into something that was unpleasant for their kids, but I also don’t think Santa Claus is the determining factor for a creative mind. It doesn’t matter to me so much if other parents don’t teach their kids about Santa Claus… as long as your kids don’t ruin the magic for mine. And as for why you get “weird looks”… I think that for me, Santa is such a cool tradition that it makes me sad that other people don’t feel the same way. I feel the same way about people who don’t like chocolate. Then again, I don’t feel the need to judge others for their beliefs. Live and let live.
Christy-
Yes, to each his/her own. Really, it isn’t my business what people decide about Santa. My son keeps to himself about Santa because he knows some of his friends would be hurt to know the truth. I made sure to let him know this to avoid any conflicts at school, and he’s totally cool with it. Thank you for your comment, you know I love you no matter what!
The feeling is mutual, Amy! We all have our own traditions that hold meaning for us. It’s what keeps things interesting.
I feel exactly as Elle and Christy do.
We love Santa too. I would never judge someone who didn’t partake in that part of Christmas. Like Christy said it does make me a little sad but I don’t think it makes anyone a bad parent. To each his own 🙂 I LOVE Christmas and love the whole Santa thing, it’s just so magical, and special. They are only little for a short time and I am going to do all I can to make lots of special memories for them and this is one of them for us! We always put out milk and cookies for santa, my son gets a special “magical” snow globe from Santa every year, Santa always leaves him a letter, we do reindeer tracks in the snow, lots of little traditions like that. My son has a blast with it and soon when our littlest ( 11 month old ) is old enough to understand we will do all the same for him.
With that said I am sure there are many other ways you make special memories with yours, like the treasure chest idea! I am not saying Santa is the only way, he’s just one of ours 🙂
We do always make sure our son knows the real meaning behind Christmas, we never lose sight of that. It’s more than Santa and presents and he knows that.
I however can’t see anyone being traumatized or thinking their parents are liars when finding out the truth about Santa. 🙂
Firstly, we believe in Christmas and I tell the Christmast story to my kids about Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus. I teach them what the holiday actually means.
Yes, Santa visits our house and we leave cookies and reindeer food out. I guess its just a Tradition thats been passed down from when we were kids. The excitement that builds with the magic of Santa is priceless.
My grandma thought it was wrong teach kids about Santa. She had religious ones, she thought he was like a god figure and that was wrong. But my whole family did not celebrate Christmas as Christ’s birth. We will be doing both with our kids.
Do you celebrate Halloween though? It would be interesting if you didn’t do the Santa-thing but you do celebrate Halloween.
To be honest, we are just not big holiday people at all. We just started taking our oldest trick or treating a couple years ago. From a Christian standpoint, the bible does not require the act of any holiday (including the birth of Christ), except the Passover, and many of the Christian holidays involve old Pagan traditions (like Christmas trees), etc. BUT, that is a whole other subject and post! We partake in Christmas and Halloween, but don’t gloss over any of the details of its history to our kids.
I don’t have kids yet but I remember as a child thinking that Mom and Dad gave really crappy Christmas gifts (socks and underwear, for example). It’s kind of sweet that your children still get to participate in the game of Santa AND realize it’s an expression of your love for them.
if i didn’t have kids, i wouldn’t celebrate the few holidays that we do. i definitely don’t celebrate thanksgiving, and i’m not religious.
all of my kids knew there was no santa by the time they were 5. they were the ones who told me. i remember when my son, who is now 22, came up to me and said, ‘mom, i know there’s no such thing as santa’. the rest of my kids are tweens/teens so they don’t usually have to keep the secret to themselves, though they will if there are little kids involved. they have a half sister who is sort of being raised muslim…they don’t celebrate christmas at all.
i guess some people need something to believe in…it helps them in some way
We celebrate Christmas. We believe in Santa. I believe in Santa. Santa/ St. Nicholas represents the spirit of giving and I hope my kids never lose that magic. I wouldn’t say anything negative against not having Santa visit your house, though. I just like the magic behind it.
I grew up in a family where we didn’t celebrate Santa and we knew the gifts were from our parents. Somehow, it made it easier during the lean years, because then us kids knew why there weren’t as many presents or as nice as presents as our friends. We didn’t get disappointed that Santa didn’t bring us this or that, because we knew. We were told by our Parents though not to tell other children there was no Santa Claus, but we could write a report in our school that there wasn’t if we were told to write about Santa.
Actually that happened once, and my teacher called my parents totally upset. My Dad set her straight, and instead of an F, because I didn’t go on and on about Santa in my report, I received an A for writing about how we always baked a birthday cake together for baby Jesus, and gathered around it as a family and sung Happy Birthday to him each year. We also blew the lights on the cake out together (we always put 3 candles to represent the trinity). After we blew the lights out, Dad would say “We are not blowing the light of the world out by blowing out these candles, we are merely taking him into our hearts.”
However when I married my husband and became an instant step-mom to his 8 year old son, we did let him believe in Santa the first year. Then I brought in the tradition of the cake too, so the next year my husband felt our son was old enough to know there was no real Santa.
When he was explaining it to him, our son said,
“Oh, I already knew that, I’ve known that since I was six. I just didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to spoil your fun.”
Alot of kids already know anyways, even if their parents don’t think they do.
So I totally have no problem with your decision.
I even grew up with no Christmas tree because my Dad thought they were pagan.
Yet, when I got married I had one, until this year. We got a new Dog and I think he’ll totally destroy it and the decorations. I will put some decorations up, but they’ll be up high on shelves and such. I’m decorating with Snowmen, because Jesus came to wash our sins white as snow is my theme this year.
My dad and I were talking about this the other day and we were saying the same thing. I was raised believing in santa and the tooth fairy but I don’t remember how I reacted when I learned they weren’t real. I guess it wasn’t a big deal. But now that I’m older and I think about everything logically, I completely agree with you. It just doesn’t make sense to basiclaly lie to your children about all of that stuff – it’s so much effort to do that and really all it does is confuse them.
We don’t celebrate Santa or any other figure either. I let my kids know that they are just a character.
We do however celebrate Christmas.
It is true. Many things around the holidays are just imbedded into it that most parents don’t even talk to their children about the significance.
My kids are teens and young adults now. We never really celebrated Santa, just because I didn’t want to teach my kids a lie. Though I do still put “from Santa” on a surprise gift or two. My kids know he’s not real (as in the red suited, white bearded Santa that’s popular today) just like they know the tooth fairy and the Easter Bunny aren’t real either. My grandkids are enjoying the “magic” of Santa while they are little, but are also taught that he is not real, that mommy and daddy buy and wrap all the presents and that Santa is just for fun.
I love this and thank you for saying it! Growing up we were told Santa wasn’t real and it never made a difference. My parents figured that making up a character was a lie and then how could they teach us about not lying? Maybe it’s a hard line to pull but I’m with Diane. When I say someone Jesus is real but Isaac can’t see him I want him to believe me. I love Christmas. love love love it, so clearly it didn’t take away any magic for me!!!
I never remember believing in Santa, as soon as we asked if he was real my parents told me he wasn’t. I plan on doing the same with my children. I believe that “Jesus is the reason for the season” and could care less about Santa. He’s definitely not going to be a big deal around here ever!!!
We kind of do the whole Santa thing, only because my parents are big Santa fans. Out of our four kids (ages 8, 6 & 5), three already know that there is no Santa because when they asked we didn’t lie to them. And our youngest just turned one and has no idea what Santa is anyway.
We did Santa when I was little and I remember loving it, but we never really saw the point with our kids. We’ve never done the Easter Bunny either. We do love Christmas though, really! 🙂
This was so fun to read through! We don’t do Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, etc. and I don’t feel like my son is deprived at all. We are delighted by the “magic” of Christ and exchange gifts because He gave us the best gift of all! I did grow up believing in Santa, but figured out myself at age 7 that he wasn’t real. I was SO upset that my parents had been lying to me and made it my “duty” to tell every other kid in my class about how their parents were lying to them! I’m sure I set my 5-year old sister straight about the whole thing too! My mom had no idea that I had done that until she received some angry phone calls! So be warned – your Santa-believing kids could be the ones telling everybody that he’s not real – LOL! I do love Christmas, but we have always let our son know that Santa is just a fun story and that his gifts are from his family.
I LOVE this post and especially the fact that you are gracious toward those who may do things differently!!!
We never really made a thing out of Santa. When our kids got old enough to ask, we simply asked “What do YOU think?” and they, in turn, responded that they didn’t think he was real. All we had to do was give them a wink of affirmation and that was that.
I did, however, get a call once from an angry mother demanding that my son tell her children that Santa was real after the kids had had a playground chat on the subject and mine revealed his recent conclusion. I thought that was taking it a bit too far, and had to tell her no. Then this chick said that she had already PAID a guy to walk around outside of her house in a Santa suit at midnight on Christmas so she could wake her kids and drag them to the window to see him!! and that we were RUINING their Christmas!!!
My response was “BAHAhahahahahahaha!!!”
Anyway, I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say Well Done!! 🙂
We don’t do Santa, the Tooth Fairy or the Easter Bunny. We are teaching our toddler that these are make-believe characters and that people like to pretend. We ARE teaching her the story of the real person Saint Nicholas who inspired the make-believe Santa.
I am starting to do the smile-and-nod thing too when people ask if our daughter is ready for Santa. I hate it but if it’s a stranger, why bother taking the time to explain? If it’s someone we know, then I might take the time, depends on how snarky I’m feeling!
Amy, I grew up in a family who celebrated Santa but my husband and I decided when we had kids that we would let them know the true meaning of Christmas, plus the real story behind Santa (who he was based on and that spirit of giving to others) and although we do “pretend” Santa, our kids have always known the truth. They are both teenagers now but when they were little we did visit Santa at the mall and did pretend he was coming Christmas Eve but they knew it was pretend, just like the ToothFairy and Easter Bunny. We’ve gone through some of the same questioning and people thinking we were weird, but why be normal, LOL? I have never looked down on or judged others for letting their kids believe Santa or any of the other characters were real. I don’t believe my kids have missed out by knowing the truth. We focus more on the true meaning of Christmas and giving to others but still enjoy the magic of pretending too.
I think the treasure chest and clues to hunt for it sound like a very fun tradition! Your sons will grow up with fond memories of it, I’m sure.
I don’t know why people take it so hard. They must fear that they’re being judged. I think if a person’s immediate reaction is defensiveness, they usually aren’t really mad at you, but at being caught off guard with an opinion they hadn’t considered yet.
Cindy- I think, for the most part, that is usually the case. I never judge anyone who celebrates Santa, but sometimes they assume I do.
I grew up beleeving in Santa. It didn’t make me a materialistic kid because my parents explained that I couldn’t get everything on my list because there wouldn’t be anything left for the other kids Santa visited. My parents were also mindful to teach me that Santa and the relgious part of the season were separate and that the relgious part is why we really do all that we do.
My brother & sister in law where the first people I knew that didn’t do Santa for their kids. I was OK with it. They are their kids after all and I can warp then in other ways later. 🙂 I’m a little sad that we don’t do stocking with that side of the family. I like coming up wtih stocking stuffer ideas. So my husband and I do it for ourselves and our dog. Only since we are a house of grownups Santa leaves things like bottles of liquer and brandy in our stockings. Yay Santa!
@condo blues,
I had the same experience growing up—the Christmas list was never fulfilled completely—not only must the needs of others be considered, but there would be no surprise—which of the items would really be there? Gifts from Sanat were always wrapped in plain green or plain white tissue paper—wonder why not red?
We still hang stockings, and my niece and nephew are 19 and 21, respectively. My sister sneaked down to find my niece still downstairs, not willing to let Mom fill the stockings while she was still awake! I told her that, as the kid, it was her responsibility to help out by AT LEAST hiding out in her bedroom, if she did not want to go to sleep. We all agreed. For us, it is lots of fun.
My husband wanted to go the Santa route, but I was raised to know the real meaning of Christmas early. We compromised. We told the kids about Santa, but left many clues that Santa wasn’t real. When they called me on it, I told them that “believing” in Santa was part of the deal or “Santa” might not come.
Now my boys are teens and each year at Christmas, they smile, ask me to tell Santa what is on their wish list, and wink. It’s a lot of fun.
We celebrate, but we are upfront with our kids about the fact that it is fantasy and make-believe. We do let them know than many kids believe it’s real, and to keep it a secret.
It’s great to hear all of the different opinions since I’ve never really met anyone that didn’t want to teach their kids about Santa. My family grew up in a non-traditional home, traveling a lot, never having a core group of kids, so it was unlikely that we would hear Santa stories and impossible for Santa to bring presents to us in the traditional manner. I remember shattering someone’s Santa dreams once. It was devastating for them. As for my children, this is something pretty important to me as I don’t want to lie to them about anything. There is still so much love, magic, & joy in Christmas without Santa, I don’t believe we need him. It will be a quite a battle though as my guy completely disagrees.
Thank you for this post and thread. I found you while I was googling info on how NOT to tell your kids about Santa. I am pregnant with our first child, and my husband and I really don’t want to do the Santa schtick. (My husband hated that his parents had lied to him, even after he had confronted them that Santa wasn’t real, and I hated being crushed when I found out he wasn’t; I cried for a long time and felt like Christmas had been ruined.) But I have never met anyone else who doesn’t follow the Santa tradition. Reading everyone’s comments made me feel less alone and gave me some ideas on how to handle the situation later on. Thank you!
You are not alone. I was so surprised after I wrote this article that so many were living the same as us. I don’t think anyone should feel forced or obligated to celebrate Santa if they don’t wish to, you know?
@Sarah,
I suspect that a large part of your husband’s problem was that his parents would not acknowledge his understanding; they took away his power of reasoning, or tried to, in asserting their authority. It is always best to follow the child’s lead on this; if they question something, help them to figure it out for themselves.
The spirit of giving and generosity, and best of all doing so anonymously, is certainly the most important.
That’s funny, I just posted the same type of thing about not doing the Santa thing! It’s true, people think it’s weird, but we don’t care. My kids will straight up tell a stranger Santa is not a real person and look at them like they are crazy. LOL
Ha! Well, my son keeps to himself about Santa. He knows some families participate, so he’s very quiet about it.
@Tasha,
I hope he doesn’t do that to other kids, who may believe. Part of the magic is making it real for others, and I think he would enjoy that. For adults, no worries, of course—although being mischevious as I am, I would point him toward NoradSanta.org.
@Sally G, Oh no. We have taught them not to ruin the fun for others. If their friends say they believe in Santa, they just go along with it.
I don’t teach my daughter Santa either. It’s a religious thing for me because I don’t want to confuse her. I don’t want to tell her hey there’s a Jesus and there’s a Santa and they’re both very similar, yet one isn’t real. She sees it on the Christmas shows, etc but, I don’t teach it to her and frankly I don’t understand why so many Christians do it either? It’s prob because they always did it? I don’t discriminate but, I see what you’re saying about others having a prob with you not doing it. I get stink eye here and there.
Yeah, same here. It is a weird message to send, in my opinion, too. (about Jesus vs. Santa) I think Santa, in some ways, is more for the parents than the children! It may make us adults feel like children ourselves? I dunno. To be honest, I look at Christmas as more of a worldly holiday, and I am a Christian. There is no commandment in the Bible saying we should celebrate Christ’s birth- it was something we created.
@Melanie B,
Wait a minute, I am an atheist, and I know that Santa was based on St. Nicholas, not on Jesus. If anything else, I see the magi as more of a forerunner than Jesus—who wasn’t born in December, anyway, but in September, I believe.
Christians started celebrating the birth of Jesus at the time of the winter solstice to coöpt the pagan holiday celebrating the beginning of the long climb out of winter to a warmer spring.
@Sally G, Sally, I’m not sure if you understood right? I was only saying that because I teach my children about Jesus, I don’t personally want to confuse them with the Santa thing. I did teach my daughter this year actually about St. Nick and that he was a wonderful giving man. I told her that a neat story was created about him and now they call him Santa.
Also, I know that the Winter solistice and Christmas mostly go hand in hand. There are no commandments for or against celebrating such a holiday so I do celebrate it but, I don’t go hog wild and am trying to teach my daughter about giving. And, I think a majority of studies have shown Jesus’ timeline and his birth being in Spring-specifically April 🙂
Well, I can totally relate to the way you feel, I mean, what’s to celebrate about Santa, first of all!
I have to kids, and both of them know that Santa is a made-up character (who takes credit for the gifts I buy with a lot effort). Our children are very creative and very imaginative they don’t need
My girls “know” Santa and when they get older we will tell them about St. Nicholas, the actual person who inspired the story of Santa. They have both actually been to St. Nicholas’ grave so hopefully we can make the distinction that one was real and one was fiction easily.
I believed in Santa when I was a child it was exciting. It became mysterious as I got into school and started to question it. I think I kept it till I was 9.Then did not care about Santa till I had my own kids and just naturally gave it to them. I even used it as leverage to get them to behave. At 27 I became a clown in parades and parties. I enjoyed making kids laugh. But clowns are really scarey to a lot of folks( tough Job). Not even thinking of Santa. One day at a Jaycee Christmas function their Santa did not show and I was asked to put on the Suit for the first time. There was about 200 kids k-2nd grade. I was reluctant because i know i’m fake and everything is just taped on. What a disappointment if I fell apart in front of all those kids.But it worked and the look those kids gave me as Santa just warmed my heart.Some were happy some were nervous, some could not think of what to ask for some had lists.so many mixed feelings. but mostly joy.I’ve been doing it ever since
33 years. Now I wear a long white beard that is real. I selfishly perpetuate the lie. Because I still get those wonderful looks of amazment and wonder I got 33 years ago. The world is just filled with hardships whats the harm of making fond memories that get passed through families for generations. But I agree it is not for everyone. If I didn’t get the opportunity I did 33 years ago,perhaps I wouldn’t care either.As for the non believers when they ask if i’m the real. I tell them that it is for them to decide.The kids can really come up with some great stuff on their own.Today Madison Avenue wants us all to believe!
@Bill Perillo,
You “get it” completely! Thanks for sharing your experience with us. There is a wonderful post today (26 Dec. 2011) from Anna and Kellen’s mom about her kids recognizing Santa with Mrs. Claus eating at another table in a local restaurant. You all help keep the spirit alive. And you are right, if you turn the question around, you hear great minds working, whatever decision they make.
Enjoy!
I know this is an oldie (but goody) post but I so appreciate it right now. We made the decision to not “do” the whole Santa thing too. I am in the process of writing a blog post about it now…and I’m a little nervous about it! People just never react very well when we tell them that Santa doesn’t come to our house. Hopefully my blog post will be somewhat well received…it’s nice to know we aren’t the only ones leaving Santa out of Christmas!
@Cassie, Don’t be nervous about it. It’s your choice to not celebrate Santa and it certainly isn’t a law or Christmas requirement.
@Cassie, Speak your mind. Don’t worry what others thinks. 🙂
Growing up in a Jewish household, I never had Santa… and I’d like to think I turned out pretty darn okay. Sure, it’s still strange when someone asks me what I’m doing for Christmas and I go “Oh, probably just chinese food and a movie” (because that’s the Jewish tradition, of course!) but my imagination is still pretty awesome.
My parents cultivated our imaginations in other ways, like giving us books to read (gasp!) 🙂
@Lindsay, Hey, movie and Chinese food sound pretty awesome to me!
@Mom Spark, Totally is… although now, more Chinese places are closed on christmas so it’s gotten a little more difficult. Really though, I think it’s good what you’re doing– your kids get a better sense of why they actually celebrate the holiday, and it’s not just about giftsgiftsgifts, ya know?
@Lindsay, There is a Japanese place that we just adore that we visit on Christmas day! It’s our tradition now.
Yes, we are trying, and the kids still get gifts, but we try to circle back to reality.
@Lindsay,
Santa has never been about giftsgiftsgifts to our family, believers though we are. Yes, we sent him letters with lists, but never got everything on it, sometimes got things we needed, and there was always a book for christmas—helped kids have more to do during the day than just open a bunch of presents!
We also took turns watching each other open our gifts, one at a time—got to appreciate each other’s pleasure, see their reactions to what we gave, etc.
Santa is NOT about materialism; Santa is about (anonymous and signed) generosity.
Introducing Santa to my children was something I thought long and hard over. I remember as a child the wonder and excitement that Santa brought, and I want my children to experience that, however, I don’t want Santa to be the focus of Christmas.
I am raising my children to know the true meaning of Christmas. The day we celebrate the birth of our savior, Jesus Christ. We do not “celebrate” Santa, we celebrate WITH Santa. We celebrate the promise God gave us.
It doesn’t bother me that you (or anyone) doesn’t do Santa, but I will be honest, my husband and I have had conversations (long ones) about people who skip the Santa thing, because to us, it was such an intense, magical, exciting, amazing part of our childhood that we can’t fathom it any other way.
My parents told me there was a Santa, we left out milk and cookies, we received gifts signed “Santa”. It was one huge LIE that I was so sad to see go when I found out the truth. I would not change that lie for anything, haha.
In fact, I still feel twinges of that excitement just remembering my childhood, and I can’t wait to live it again through Evan.
But yeah, people do things in different ways, no biggie!
@Crissy, I hear that a lot, Crissy, and I totally understand that point. We try to still make the holidays (and all days for that matter) special by doing our own traditions that don’t include Santa or any other characters as being real.
We do celebrate Santa…well, b/c we aren’t religious and so I guess we need something 😉 But, I love hearing how others celebrate!! TO EACH HIS OWN! Diversity is a beautiful thing!
Loved the post. We celebrate the birth of Jesus. But we also celebrate the giving of Saint Nicholas. It is up to each family how they celebrate the holidays. I know what I believe and what I am trying to teach my children. As you are doing your best to teach your children the way you believe. We all do it differently. 🙂
Blessings to you!
We don’t DO Santa, but I didn’t realize there was a problem with it. My kids (now parents themselves) never really bought that this one man could visit all the kids in the world on the same night. We did not actively not-do santa, we just thought of him like you said, as another super hero character from cartoons.
With my grandkids who are 2 and almost 4, we celebrate Christmas as any other Holiday. We exchange thoughtful gifts, enjoy work holidays and spending quality time together. I don’t get disturbed if someone celebrates it or not…everyone has a right to do what they want as long as they don’t hurt someone else in doing so.
Happy Holidays…whichever they may be!
Anna
We did Santa. In fact, I still, to this day, believe in Santa, even as an adult. Because I AM Santa. So I guess we still “do” Santa.
Our kids loved the magic of Christmas and the wonder and excitement of waking up to toys that mysteriously appeared overnight under the tree, and my husband and I laughed and “Ssh”-ed each other as we put toys together and wrapped last-minute and stayed up way too late making Christmas perfect, only to wake up ridiculously early on Christmas morning and see it all again through our kids’ eyes, and it was all worth it. All the sleepless hours and the cursing as we tried to put bicycles together or wrap huge toys…it was worth it, because they have the same love for Christmas that I do, that my husband does.
And when they got older, and they asked about Santa, I asked them not, did they believe in Santa, but how they thought the presents ended up under the tree. They mused on it a little bit and said, “I think you and Dad get us the gifts.” And we said, “So…does that mean there is no Santa? Or that your Dad and I are Santa every year?” And they *got* it. They realized that we did this all for them, that we saved and sacrificed and went to all that effort to make something special for them, Some day they might do the same for their kids. So now they understand how wonderful it is to give, and to be Santa for someone. They don’t need a messiah who sacrificed himself on the cross, someone they have never seen or heard or known, to teach them. They see us acting out of love every day.
We didn’t go to church when I was a kid. I know Christmas arises, originally, from both pagan and Christian beliefs woven together, and I’m okay with that. My children have learned to question, and to be curious about the world around them, and they have learned the value of family and of giving to others and of sacrifice. And I think they will do just fine whether they turn out Christian, atheist, agnostic or buddhist or who-knows-what.
So maybe you just choose to “do” Jesus instead of Santa. And that’s okay, too. In the end, we arrive at the same place.
@Viv,
Thank you, thank you! My family’s experience, too. And you are so right, the appreciation of generosity, giving, and saving/sacrificing for others (without guilt/martyrdom) is the final “take-away” for all, however it is achieved.
I think it’s wonderful that everyone can celebrate in their own way! We’ve always done Santa, Why? I don’t know? When I was a child we were fairly religious, going to church twice on Sundays and once on Wednesdays. Santa was still a big part of the holidays for our family. In fact I still do “believe” in Santa event hough I causght my parents “doing” Santa when I was around 8 or 9. It didn’t spoil it for me I just realized howmuch they enjoyed makign my Christmas special. I love bringing the magic of Santa to our Christmas celebrations for my own children. That doesn’t mean I’m shocked your family doesn’t do things our way though, I love hearing about other traditions! We try to teach our children that Santa isn’t all about the toys, it’s about feeling joy from giving to others and caring for others not just during the Holiday but all year long 🙂 Great post!
I actually just posted on why we DO Santa. We just ,like many other things, don’t choose to look at the big red suit as the way the world views it (like many things with the worlds view of sex, of marriage, or money)……IN fact……….I TRULY “I ” believe in Santa and …….2 years ago when I was desperate and sick and unable to do anything……presents just arrived on Christmas morning. I am writing a whole series on how Jesus isn’t lost in the season. We have the biggest birthday celebration ever each year….and everyone is invited.
I grew up believing and as I had kids it kinda stunk that I had to give credit to an imaginary being for the awesome toys. But, I did. Last year we told our oldest who was 10…we thought it was a good idea, but now I don’t know it’s like the magic of Christmas was gone for him. So now, we try and make him a big part of the “Santa” doing with us. It seems to help, but it’s not the same looked he got as with before. Did that make sense?
@TheChickenista, I would start a new tradition. As I said above, we hide all of the presents Christmas morning and leave a note with clues to find the stash. We have done this for years now and he looks forward to the fun!
@TheChickenista,
I wonder that you were concerned with “Santa” getting credit for gifts you bought—weren’t YOU Santa? Jealous of whom? I also question how and why you “told” your 10-year-old that there was no Santa; although I still believe at age 57, at age 10, my sister was 2, and I was helping by “being an elf”. There seems to be more here than just a Santa story; hope all is well otherwise. How was it this year?
Each year we try to stay focused that we are celebrating the conception of Christ on Dec 25. We do very well on Dec 24 as we are just with our own little family. The extended family is another thing. They like to believe in Santa. So I’ve told my children….if other children think Santa is real- do not tell them differently. However, my children know that Santa is not real- well almost all my children- this year my 4 year old is insisting that Santa is real no matter how many times I tell her ‘he is not’. I give up on that one. Some times we play the “Santa Game” where we pretend that Santa will come in the morning with presents- but we do not do that every year. And this year is special for us because we will be celebrating Christmas Day with just our own little family……….So I’m trying to think of what special things I’d like to add to our day to focus on Christ. I’d love some ideas. Then the next day we pack up and go visit the extended family and will have Christmas with them a day later.
We do Santa in our house. My oldest knows the truth but he knows if he tells then the presents will stop. My middle son and my youngest believe. I think of it as fun. Now I will not straight out lie to my kids if they ask me but I will ask what they think and if they think Mommy really has all the money to buy the presents they get and I ask where they think I stored them all year. They then believe again. (I use coupons/deals and free stuff I win as presents). I even went as far to throw purple feathers on my middle son when someone told him the tooth fairy was not real since he was totally crushed. He had recently lost a tooth and to this day he talks about how he rolled over on the tooth fairy. I think it is harmless since they know the true meaning and have asked if we can bake a cake n Christmas for Jesus.
@Karen Perea,
Brava! Great story. Although a threat of no gifts seems to be a bit much; isn’t the joy of keeping belief alive for the younger ones enough? And challenges that make them think are wonderful, as long as you don’t overpower their reasoning with “cause I said so”; that sort of authority is hurtful, I think. (But I may not know everything, either.)
Showin’ you some love…. we don’t either.
It’s just how we roll. We have a little elf that plays hide and seek and that’s it.
I didn’t do Santa growing up either.
@Kate @ Songs Kate Sang, Thank you for the support, girl.
Amy, it is great that you brought this up. We share your views and not that we don’t care that some of our friends have a generalized view of Santa in relationship to Christmas, we just don’t celebrate him the way others “normally” do and it was a personal choice to tell the truth about him not being real to our now 6 year old daughter. So one day, she told her BFF ( a year older than she is) that Santa is not real, the whole nine yards and they ended up arguing about it. Her parents got upset with that and told us to tell our daughter to not say anything about that topic again because they don’t want to change their daughters’ perspective on Santa! They’re my friends but I thot that was BS – can’t handle the truth? Who knows.
@Maricris of Zensible Mama, I just tell my son to keep it to himself, and he’s pretty good about it. He constantly asks me why parents tell their kids Santa is real, and I just say it’s important to them for their own reasons.
@Maricris of Zensible Mama,
Sorry, it was irresponsible of you to not tell your daughter to play the game with her friends. I personally would let a child reason out the reality for him-/herself, and if a child decides that Santa is not real, then it is time to teach the joy of giving to others, not just materially, but giving fun and enjoyment—keeping the Santa dream going.
Amy,
I grew up not believing in Santa and I turned out OK. We didn’t celebrate xmas all the time either, again I turned out ok. I think people think children NEED to do certain things that everybody else does but if you tell your children the reasons “WHY” you choose this, then they are just as healthy as all the others! I told my kids early BUT when we watch Miracle on 34th Street- we all look at each other and say…That IS the real Santa…lol You can still get excited at any age to see a made up character. Think when you go to Disney, how exciting it is to see Mickey. I wouldn’t worry about others thoughts (not that you do)
@Rachel Ferrucci, Yes, exactly! I think there is a misconception that kids will somehow be damaged by not participating in the belief of a real Santa, but that is SO far from the truth. My kids still have an active imagination, are creative and full of love!
I have posted before about my family does not do the Santa thing. I have been the victim of the same reactions as you. Funny thing, I never tell parents they should NOT tell their children to believe in Santa. Not sure why so many feel the freedom to criticize my family’s choice. That’s okay, I’m used to swimming up stream. When you are a homeschooling, independent Baptist, conservative, who doesn’t do the make believe stuff you get used to it. 🙂
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We do the Santa thing, but we down play it. I don’t want Santa giving my kids big expensive things that they don’t need. Each year Santa does less. I guess I’m trying to wean them. He fills their stockings with a few things.
I prefer to focus on the true meaning of Christmas and that it’s more important to give than to receive.
@Jill @ Mormon Surrogate,
Interestingly, Santa seems to share parents’ values, regardless of what they are—wonder why that is? He never went overboard with us, either, atheists that we may be.
That’s funny, because in recent years I’ve seen a LOT of judginess (new word!) against parents who bring Santa into their homes, because it’s a “lie.”
Frankly, I think people spend WAY too much time thinking about what other people are doing in their own homes.
I say we all ruin our kids in our own unique way. 😉
@Eryn, Oh really? That is interesting. I haven’t seen that. Either way, it is wrong to judge.
This is actually very insightful. I never questioned teaching my daughter the whole Santa thing. I just kind of figured it goes along with Christmas.
I really like your point of view though. Why lie and try to keep your children believing in something that they’re going to find out is fake anyway. I’ll definitely still keep with it though, I like the fun that goes along with it. But I respect this outlook so much I almost considered not going along with the hype.
Great post, I’m very happy to have come across it. 🙂
@Brittany Stewart, Thank you, Brittany. I guess the ultimate purpose of the article is to open minds on both sides of the issue. I appreciate your honesty.
Thank you for this post! We don’t do the make believe, because I want my children to know I will always tell them the truth, and expect the same from them in return. I just came from church were someone jumped down my throat because my 5 year old said in class that he doesn’t believe in Santa. Would we act the same way at church if a child said that about Jesus! Please don’t encourage or ask my child to lie, and let me the parent, parent! I don’t criticize the parents that do teach the make believe.
@Jenn Claus, I have been fortunate that my oldest son has always kept it to himself regarding school and friends. I don’t quite understand why parents take Santa so seriously, but I try to respect their privacy and certainly don’t try to “convert” anyone, including children. Thank you for your comment!
@Jenn Claus, I totally get and respect that. But, to some people Jesus is make believe too. Love hearing everyone’s different beliefs.
@Allison Zapata, Yes, true, although Santa is not a faith. Or is it? 🙂
@Mom Spark,
Yes, I would say it is.
No Santa for us either. My husband says he works damn hard to buy those presents and he wants the kids to know that they came from him not some fat man from la-la-land. Ha! I couldn’t really argue with that! We have always told our kids though to go just along with their friends about Santa. Just because we don’t believe in him doesn’t mean we should ruin other people’s fun!
@Tasha, That is a great way of looking at it! I think that kids appreciate presents from their parents just as much, if not more. Also, when kids know that their parents are purchasing the gifts, there is less expectation of expensive gifts because families are on a budget. With the Santa belief, there is really no cost limit and it based only on if the children are good or not. BUT saying that, I would never try to ruin other belief systems. It’s each family’s business and life.
Exactly! My kids just asked me today why kids don’t figure out that Santa isn’t real when they ask for expensive stuff and then they don’t get it! I was like, huh, good question!
We tell our kids about a whole lot of things, every family does things different. Our saying is “God made you a Lehman and this is the way the Lehmans do it. God made them the Smiths and that’s the way the Smiths do it!”
@Tasha, Yes, it’s interesting when you really analyze what Santa represents these days. What was originally (St. Nick) a symbol of giving to those in need has because giving only to good children with a HUGE focus on stuff. With Santa, there is no limit to what he can do. The Christmas season is already full of temptations to indulge, with food, presents, etc. without that additional element. Know what I mean?
Totally get it. I wish the tradition of what Santa really stood for still remained. I’d let my kids get behind that! I get that it’s all about fun and magic for most people and that’s totally fine. But we definitely have chosen the simplicity route when it comes to Christmas. Our kids are still super excited and full of anticipation. Just for different reasons!
@Tasha,
Because those of us to whom Santa delivered know that he delivered gifts all over the world, and that nobody gets everything he or she asks for. And sometimes Santa gives family gifts—like the color TV that we had been asking our parents for seemingly FOREVER—everybody in the neighborhood had one, it seemed. He placed it under a table in the living room, and my sister and I were so focused on the tree—finding the ornament that Santa had left, looking in the stockings, everyone opening the less-expensive gifts under the tree—that Mom and Dad had to push us toward finding the television.
Santa is only human, after all—a special ability to travel the world in a night, but only so many elves, only so much per person with so many in the world.
Santa is so much more than “what did I get?”; that is really the least of it, at least in my family.
we absolutely do Santa (and the rest). There is something magical about “believing”. I don’t find it to be lying. I never felt my parents lied to me about Santa, I feel like it’s a rite of passage for every child. I learned the tooth fairy wasn’t real when I was about 7 – but I never let on. There is just something fun and magical about them.
@Katie, I hear that a lot from those who ask me about why we choose not to celebrate. I recently had a conversation with my almost 12 year-old about his thoughts, specifically if he felt deprived of the “magical” aspect of the holiday. (and other holiday/event characters – i.e. Easter bunny, tooth fairy, etc.) He said the holidays were still (and remain) a magical time. It is the change in season, the lights, gathering with family, the food and activities that make it magical. It was an interesting perspective!
I honestly don’t care either way. I don’t spoil it for someone if they’re playing the make believe game with their kids, but if asked by a kid for an honest answer, I won’t lie.
@Curt, You know, I haven’t had a child ask me that and I honestly don’t know what I’d say! I would probably not respond!
@Mom Spark@Curt,
The best answer is “What do you think?”; then use the cues to answer at the appropriate level for the individual child—at least in my opinion.
I grew up having Santa visit but hubby didn’t and together we chose not to lie to our children about anything. Having been on the other side of the lie myself and remember how hurt I was that my Mom had lied to me all those years after constantly telling me to never lie to her. I didn’t want that for my boys. I didn’t realize there were so many of us non Santa families. We seem to be the minority here where we live. My 7 yr old has learned the smile and nod very well. He also knows that its ok for other kids in his class to pretend and to keep his thoughts on Santa to himself so he doesn’t hurt anyone’s feelings.
@Mama Bee Does, You know, since I wrote this article a couple years back, I have heard from more and more non-Santa parents. More than I thought there were, so it’s nice not to feel alone. I still think we’re the minority, though. I think for most families, it’s a custom/traditional that isn’t really questioned.
I went along with the Santa thing when my daughter was younger and we all really enjoyed it. It was FUN! But my mother took it upon herself to tell my daughter when she was 8 years old that there was no such thing – which was heartbreaking for my daughter to find out that way, and annoying for me not to be the one to have the discussion with my daughter. I appreciate that you aren’t like my mom and let others have fun with it if they chose to!
@Jennifer @therebelchick, Oh no!! That is absolutely heartbreaking for a child. I remember when I officially found out. No one told me anything, but I witnessed my dad wrapping presents (rather loudly, it woke me up in the middle of the night) in the living room. I was SO confused.
Yes, we do santa in our home, the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy too!!! My kids love it. But, my kids also know the true meaning of Christmas and we give and donate like crazy around the holiday season, so my kids love to give and help out too.
Thanks for writing this! We don’t celebrate Santa either. Hubs and I both grew up in conservative Christian homes where the emphasis of Christmas was on Christ and having a spirit of thankfulness for our gifts and the givers rather than “naughty vs. nice” to earn favor with an omniscient elf. LOL. My parents always got “the look” when people would ask me what Santa was bringing me for Christmas and I would reply, “nothing, but I’ve asked my parents for ____ and hope I get it.”
We didn’t grow up with the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy either, but we still got Easter baskets and money under our pillows from our parents. I’d wake up to a dollar under my pillow and give my mother a hug and a thank you. I hope my daughter will have the same appreciation.
However, I was taught not to go around enlightening other children. My daughter will be taught the same. She will not be bursting anyone’s bubble on the playground!
Great post, Amy! We handle it exactly like you. We don’t get to much flack about the Santa thing, but not doing Halloween sure gets us some confused looks. – lol
@Glenda, Oh, I bet! My husband grew up not celebrating Halloween either.
Just for the record- We have no issues of Santa being a character at Christmas, just like Frosty the Snowman, or a superhero. We have decorations of Santa in our home, too. We just treat him as a make believe character like the others.
We did them all when my kids were little and the only caveat I would hope is that you also teach your children it’s not their job to spoil the fun for other children…it seems too many get too much delight in sharing their knowledge! I don’t get why one group ever gets to judge the intent of someone else; after all they are fictional right? Though I sort of love the idea of Peter Pan. 🙂
@Barbara | Creative Culinary, I agree and we would never do that. I have taught my oldest (my youngest is still too young to explain it quite yet) and he has been great about keeping it to himself.
Great post! I grew up in a home where we knew Santa was not the real meaning of Christmas and never once felt left out in any way. My parents always made sure we had just as much fun with Christmas as any other kid. I am glad my parents did not lie to us. They felt very strong that if they told us that Santa was real how would we believe them regarding the Birth of a Savior.
Thanks,
Ruth
So glad that someone else said it!
Well, we do do Santa, kind of. We always explained to our children he isn’t real, and then try to explain Saint Nicholas to them and that is how the tradition got started.
We still fill their stockings and sing Christmas songs with Santa Claus in them, but explain it is more in holiday tradition.
I am a sucker for this time of year. I like getting into traditions.
What I don’t like is lying to my kids. I feel like that was part of the reason I didn’t believe in God as a child.
As a Christian I want to be really clear to my kids about faith, belief, and the truth about things we can’t see.
@Jamie, We are the same in that we aren’t anti-Santa, just anti-real Santa. 🙂 Thank you for your great comment!
My son is 3 this year and my husband and I are in conflict over Santa. He grew up believing in Santa. I didn’t. In my family it was a game – we all knew Santa wasn’t real and my parents “tried” to convince us he was. Same for the Easter Bunny & the tooth fairy. I am the youngest though, so I don’t know if this was always the case for my brothers too but I suspect it was. I have a real problem telling my son that Santa is real. I don’t mind doing it as a game, as long as he knows it’s pretend, but my husband almost seems heartbroken that I can’t bring myself to tell him he’s real. He thinks it’s harmless and that I’m overthinking it. I just don’t feel comfortable lying to my kids!
Anyone have a spouse that disagrees with you?! For now I just avoid the subject with my son. He sees Santa in cartoons and gave him a hug when we looked at Christmas lights tonight, but we don’t talk about who he is or what he does. He hasn’t asked at all. I think he just considers him like another cartoon character he sees at Disneyland! But I have to make a decision soon I guess, cuz my husband really wants to do Santa and cookies this year. Even if it means we only tell him Santa does stockings or something little like that. Am I being too much of a stick in the mud?
@Angela, I don’t think you’re a stick on the mud at all! Although it seems like it should be a small issue to decide, it really isn’t. It’s a long term commitment! Since I haven’t been in this situation, it’s tough to give advice, but I think the best thing to coming to a compromise. Maybe you could go through the rituals of leaving out cookies/milk, but let him know he’s not a real life person? This is a tough issue and I’m sorry you are going through it. At the end of the day, if you feel uncomfortable telling your son that Santa is real, you shouldn’t do it. (in my opinion)
@Angela,
My sister was uncomfortable with “lying” to her kids, but went along with it. She did nothing to disabuse them if/when they decided that it wasn’t real—and we all still do stockings (they are now 19 and 21).
We don’t do Santa. Well we make jokes and talk about it but my kids know that is isn’t real. We celebrate the magic of Christmas and the birth of Jesus. We also ‘play’ tooth fairy. My dd came in and said ‘MOM! you forgot to put money under my pillow” lol then handed me her tooth. Opps.
I just didn’t want to lie to my kids. We aren’t anti -Santa either and my girls know it’s our secret and not to tell the other kids.
We get a lot of strange looks and comments when people find out. ;P
Great post on the topic: http://www.blogher.com/no-noah-theres-not-santa-claus?wrap=blogher-topics/family/religious&crumb=106874
@Mom Spark, Thanks for sharing my BlogHer post and for taking a moment to comment. I finally feel like there’s someone else who understands what I was saying! I’m not trying to take away anyone’s fun or kill the spirit of Christmas, I just want to do what I feel is best for my family, even though it’s not the popular choice.
I think you and I feel much the same way about the topic. Happy to have found a kindred spirit!
@Misty @ The Family Math, Thank YOU for writing the post! I’m with you, I’m not here to take away any family’s belief, I just want acceptance of my own. When I read posts like yours I don’t feel alone. I am sorry that some of the comments are a little negative. This is a very sensitive issue for some. Keep doin’ what you’re doin’!
I grew up not doing the whole Santa thing and in fact I grew up not celebrating Christmas at all. And I’m fine. I don’t feel like I missed out. I have been celebrating Christmas for quite some time now and once I got married and had kids my husband is really into the Santa thing. I would be happy to not do it but it makes him happy so we do it. I did tell him that if our kids ever flat out ask me if he’s real I would tell them the truth though.
@Tamara,
My parents’ response was always to turn the question back around, “What do you think?” They never argued for fantasy that we did not believe, rather taught us to analyze, to consider whether the evidence proved or disproved Santa (or anything else), yet allowed me to NEVER have to “not believe” in Santa Claus, even while making it real for my 8-years-younger sister through “reindeer conferences” to discuss gifts (complete with pawing at the ground and lapping at the salt lick), “helping Santa” by decorating the Christmas tree after I discovered the neighbors (4 kids) doing that (my parents had originally set up the tree Christmas Eve after I had gone to bed; they were glad to make that a family project and get a bit more sleep).
we have the same exact philosophy, santa is as real as mickey mouse. which is to say, not at all. fun, but fake.
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I don’t care if other people don’t do Santa with their kids. Just, knowing that so many of us do, I hope that those parents tell their kids not to ruin it for any other kids who do believe in Santa.
My kids keep it to themselves. It is a personal decision that our family has made and need not be pushed onto others.
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I think (Christmas) is so buried into America’s traditions and way of life, that we do not question why we do it and feel obligated to partake in the experience.
At least its one step in not lying to your kids but in reality, the whole holiday is just a money-making, old pagan tradition that no one even cares why were supposedly doing it, just sucked in like everyone else. Hence replace your sentence above with Christmas not just Santa. Presents are much better knowing someone just thought of you or didn’t have to. Not rushed to get stuff by a date because you have to and everyone else is doing it.
Here is an idea, let’s steal Christmas from the Christians. There will be this jolly God like character (Santa) whose favor the kids will have to work and strive to earn. So from the earliest age they come to view life/God not as a state of grace, but as a works based system of rewards (presents) and punishments (coal) that they truly believe in. Then after a good 10 years of indoctrination, let’s crush that world view by revealing the whole thing to be a lie carried out by none other than the very people these kids rely on for guidance (parents). It will destroy their life view, their God view, and the family structure just in time for adolescence. Christmas will be christ-less through and through. Oh wait, that actually happened.
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We don’t celebrate Santa either. Have you found any Christmas movies by any chance that don’t involve Santa for kids ? We enjoy a movie here and there as a family and it seems impossible to find a good one for young children (5 and under)- for Christmas. Any help would be appreciated. 🙂
Honestly, I haven’t. Santa is a standard in movies, school and retail. We can’t seem to escape it. 🙂
We do not do Santa at all and share the similar reactions of others, I was wondering if you have any special traditions that are fun with your kids to bring Jesus back in to celebration of Christmas?
Our family doesn’t celebrate Santa, and the kids will tell adults that. I tell then that. Most people either just say oh, or ask me why. I tell them that we celebrate Jesus’ birth, and focus on family. We still do presents, but as I’m starting to point out to the kids, the greatest present we were given was our Saviour.
It’s the same thing with Easter. We celebrate the death, and Resurrection of Jesus, which in doing so gives us eternal life in heaven.
@J.Medemans we didn’t steal Christmas from the Christians. They stole it from the Pecans. Jesus (if you believe the stories as non fiction ) was born in the spring.
The best gift to the world was the Son of God, Jesus Christ, and he should be celebrated. We never did the Santa Clause deal, but we did do some gifts. But I like giving gifts all year long, and not wait until Christmas.
The problem people have is that of fear of those who don’t follow the crowd that can make their own decision. I don’t understand why there are those who hate Christmas and want to ban all the fun and beauty that helps us get through the cold, dark days of winter. You have made a good thing by not forcing Santa Claus on your children and by allowing others be part of the fantasy if they so desire. I hope this makes some sense and has encouraged you in your celebrations.
No and if I have kids they wont celebrate santa either in my house