They both took a chance, and made a lasting friendship.
I was more than a little frightened about attending my first blogging conference. I mean, who in their right mind would pick BlogHer as their very first conference? Insane, right? I didn’t know a single attendee in real life and had NEVER traveled alone. I had only been blogging for a year, so I was a total newb. As the day came closer to leave for Chicago, I was riddled with a mix of excitement and nervousness. Even after reading recaps of previous years at BlogHer, I still didn’t know what to expect or how the conference would treat me. Would it be fun? Would anyone know who I was? Would it be hard to connect with others? Was it out of my league? I would get so angry at myself for worrying about such trivial matters, yet I couldn’t stop.
Although I made it to Chicago in one piece, it was a little rocky, socially, at first. I had the desire to jump into groups of unknown people and introduce myself, yet something was holding me back. The first few parties I attended felt so awkward and weird, yet I didn’t know why. I wasn’t sure what I was afraid of? I was actually starting to get on my own nerves, so I made a quick decision. From that moment on, I would not let ME get in the way of ME. I was going to talk to as many people as I could. Isn’t that why I went to BlogHer in the first place? What did I have to lose anyway? I honestly didn’t know anyone and most didn’t know me. That was power.
Want to know what happened after that? I had a blast. I met many wonderful men and women. I met with brands. I made relationships. I handed out 200 business cards. I shared ideas with new friends and was inspired by others. The sessions didn’t offer much for me, but the people did, and I never expected that. My readership doubled in a mere 3 months after attending the conference and it has been a whirlwind since. I owe this to me leaving my fear behind and just being me. I had to get over myself. Don’t get me wrong, I did met a few people who didn’t treat me nicely or seemed bothered by me, but that exists everywhere in life. Mom bloggers are no exception.
When I returned home, I was honestly shocked to read so many negative posts about BlogHer. There were many attendees that had a difficult time and took away nothing positive about the experience. Then I heard it again after the Type A Mom Conference a few months after, then Blissdom, and so on. I wondered, was it the conference or the attendee that had the problem? Maybe it was a mixture of both? I obviously understood the fear of being a newbie, but the feedback I was reading was on a whole different level. Attendees were feeling inadequate, discouraged, and questioning the very existence of their blog. In a nutshell, they were experiencing the exact opposite of the conference’s ultimate purpose and message. Interesting.
So, I reached out on Facebook and Twitter, asking the question, “Have you ever left a blogging conference feeling bad about yourself or your blog? Didn’t feel good enough, or smart enough? Contact me.” It wasn’t long before I started receiving replies. Most wanted to stay anonymous.
“I felt like less of a blogger after the conference. I felt inferior to all the other bloggers.”
“I really felt stupid a lot of the time. I didn’t know what to expect and some of the friends that I had connected with online, just were kind of rude in person.”
“True story from BlogHer 09. A new blogger admired a ‘famous’ blogger and approached her. Famous blogger looked at her card, snubbed her nose and handed it right back. I was floored.”
Marcy Mcclelland-Massura from Marcy Writes told me, “The ass kissing on the mommy blogging circuit is reaching Olympic proportions. No one wants to be honest it seems. It is not ‘the bestest time ever’ and the spring break like binge drinking doesn’t always help.” Marcy then included a link to her after-BlogHer post, which describes the challenges she faced connecting with other attendees. Her post provided a great representation of the overall feedback I received. Bloggers don’t feel wanted in their own community. They feel there is a “pecking order” or a mom blogger status among the “famous” bloggers.
Does a pecking order really exist, or does it stem from one’s own insecurities? Is it easier to blame the person who is having a good time and taking away something positive? Kim Moldsky from Hormone-Colored Days made a GREAT point when she said, “I think conference newbies tend to be aware of ‘chicks who clique.’ It’s not so much that certain groups intentionally exclude others, it’s more a matter of certain women having developed deep relationships over the years.” This is SO TRUE. It’s so much easier to assume the worst, though. “She thinks she’s better than me.” I hear this a lot. Instead, why not say, “She may be nervous, or uncomfortable, like me.” One blogger I interviewed said, “I worried that at those times when I was catching my breathe between sessions, before meals when my sugar was low, etc. that someone might have mistaken a look or something as an example of the things that were fueling the conference Twitstorm.”
Guess what? Some of us are introverts. Just because we can express our opinions boldly online doesn’t mean we can easily speak face to face. This is a HUGE issue that most do not consider before attending their first conference, and could also be a HUGE reason why expectations are not met after attending. Some bloggers don’t even realize that they are painfully shy and introverted until they do attend. Others may become overstimulated and emotional exhausted, like Maria Melee of Mommy Melee who recently experienced a breakdown at the Mom 2.0 Summit and wasn’t sure why. Kim Daboo from Clumber Kim told me, “The simple act of handing someone my card is a leap.” Even rock star blogger Jenny Lawson, from The Bloggess, has a difficult time speaking to people. We SHOULD give people the benefit of the doubt, yet our emotions take over. We have to be careful.
So…..is there really a way to avoid the post-conference blues? I think Jenny Lawson (The Bloggess) said it best, “You can’t experience those strong emotions (whether good or bad) and not suffer (or celebrate) the repercussions. For so many of us it’s a heavy mix of highs and lows and the effects linger.” It’s no different than life. There is positive and negative all around us. It’s how we decide to react and move forward that counts. Do we want to hold on to bad experiences and have that decide our future? Like I mentioned earlier, I was scared of the unknown. I met some “not so nice” people, but you know what else happened in the process? I met some AMAZING people. People who I love. People who have been extremely supportive and inspiring. True friends.
Are you a newbie blogger? There is tons of info over at www.blogconferencenewbie.com that is extremely helpful for beginners. Also, feel free to post any questions in our comments.
Have you experienced the post-conference blues? Why or why not?
About Mom Spark
This is an excellent post, Amy! I hate hearing that people left a conference feeling badly. On both sides, I think there are things we can do to help, as you point out. One, this concept that some bloggers should be treated with awe like they are celebrities is absurd… especially in the mom blogging community. Almost every mom who blogs is pretty much like every other mom who blogs: they juggle caring for the kids with blogging and social networking in jammies. There is no need for any blogger to put another on a pedestal. It’s one thing to admire someone who has more experience, knows a lot to teach and has a well-developed community. It’s another to be a fangirl.
For those who are less experienced or shy, I would also say don’t take things personally. In the blogging community, just like the real world, some people are rude. I say if you encounter someone like that, ignore and move on. But also don’t jump to conclusions. Conferences are hectic and intense. I am a major extrovert, and there are times I just need some quiet. I know there must be many, many others who get that way too, especially towards the end of the conference.
Above all, measure your own worth against the only person who matters: yourself.
[Reply]
Mom Spark Reply:
February 26th, 2010 at 9:39 pm
@Kelby Carr, Thank you, Kelby. You bring up great points. We’ve all been puked and pooped on. That always keeps things in perspective for me.
I am an extrovert, too, but still need to “detox” in my hotel room, alone. I’m learning this more and more as I attend more conferences.
Thank you for your comment.
[Reply]
As I wrestle with the “should I or shouldn’t I go to BlogHer” conundrum, I found this to be a very helpful post. I still haven’t made up my mind, but this helps to calm some of my fears…
[Reply]
Amy,
Great post! I met you at mom2summit, which was my first conference. I had a great time, met great people, felt uncomfortable sometimes, felt confident others, made a fool of myself once, etc.
It is difficult as a new person because you don’t know what to expect. I was pleasantly surprised at Mom2Summit. I understand that their are online friends that don’t get to see each other often offline and they want to take advantage of that. I always try to remember that some of those that you admire still get uncomfortable, might be exhausted physically from staying up late and emotionally from a lot of socializing in a little time.
I found that during the conference my confidence level grew. This was based on the theme that what we do makes a difference. I began to see myself and what I do in a different way. I also found myself wishing that I had met more people, made more contacts, etc. I realize now that I had to take it a little slower, watch others and learn.
I feel like I can go to the next one with more confidence, make more contacts and be on the lookout for newbies.
Thanks for taking the time to look into this and helping learn from others experiences.
[Reply]
Mom Spark Reply:
February 26th, 2010 at 10:25 pm
@Cammie, You picked a fabulous conference to start off with. The size was good and the overall feel was very positive and low-key.
[Reply]
Very interesting. A while back I heard about the phenomenon of blog attrition following blog conferences — in which bloggers didn’t feel worthy in comparison and threw in the towel. I felt extremely sad about this — because ultimately, I think bloggers are just bloggers… if one is writing for self expression why should there be comparison?
I think one of the best things bloggers can do is look out for each other. I always have an eye out — if someone approaches a circle I’m conversing in but doesn’t say anything and looks a little overwhelmed, I reach out and introduce myself. The reality is that all of us have been there at some point and compassion goes a long way.
-Christine
[Reply]
Great post! I feel much better about attending future conferences now. One lesson I learned from my first conference was to stay in the same hotel where it is being held. If you don’t you will feel out of the loop and won’t get as much from the conference.
[Reply]
Mom Spark Reply:
February 26th, 2010 at 10:29 pm
@Andrea H, Yes! Staying in the same hotel is a must. If you don’t, you miss out on running into to new people and have those real conversations, you know?
[Reply]
I would love to go to a mom conference, but I think it would be hard with my husband’s work schedule and my young kids at home right now, and also I’m not in a certain league of bloggers where I’d get sponsorship as easily just yet. It is just a reality.
This is a very good post highlighting some of the various experiences and also giving your personal experience and what you did to change the outcome.
As conferences for moms, I’d think they’d work out ways to ensure everyone felt involved, if even by doing some sort of buddy system that gets widened and interlinked as the conference goes on.
Mommy cliques do exist and while not all of these groups are negative, there are some who definitely will look down the nose at others and fight to get the favor of one they deem successful. It is the way life seem to flow. So we should not gloss over the experience of one who says they felt snubbed.
We have seen that even in the blog community online, many will viciously attack each other and also get others involved to do this dirty work too.
People are easily influenced when it suits their palate.
I have heard both negative and positive about these conferences, but it would not deter me from attending and having my own experiences.
It is true that in all areas of life there will be positives and negatives.
I would suggest that moms/dads try to attend the conference with someone they know so that they can have some sort of support system as they navigate all the different events and various groups and individuals they will likely meet.
It is good for us to share our experiences so that we can learn better ways to deal with a situation or get the support we need to bolster ourselves in a tough world.
[Reply]
Mom Spark Reply:
February 26th, 2010 at 10:33 pm
@JamericanSpice, Yes, having at least one “wing man” does make it a little easier and gives you more confidence. Another thing I did before BlogHer was exchange a couple phone numbers with @tjstaab & @eCelebrating. It was nice having that.
[Reply]
We have spoken about this forever but I take conferences as a place to network with friends. Taking in smaller groups makes it easier to digest. It is true that from the outside looking in it can be pretty overwhelming, especially when there are really are tight groups. Some people are forthcoming and some not. I consider it important to find supportive people, they may not even be big bloggers but you will be happier than trying to just kick up at the heels of someone who would not give you the time of day.
Helping a friend has wonderful repercussions of not just feeling great but creating a tight network for yourself.
BTW I am so glad you did come to BlogHer else I would have missed meeting you girlfriend!
[Reply]
Mom Spark Reply:
February 26th, 2010 at 10:34 pm
@niri, Yes, we have talked about this a lot, haven’t we? You totally get it and I appreciate that. You are amazing and I can’t imagine not meeting you at BlogHer.
[Reply]
I’ve had similar experiences to yours. BlogHer was my first conference and I had been blogging seriously for just a few months. I was scared to death, but as you did, I decided to throw caution to the wind and just be ME. Guess what? I had a blast. Did I witness some snubbing? Yep! It’s sad, but I witness that in my own neighborhood, at the mall, at the pool, it’s everywhere. You have to make a decision to not let that crap get you down. it’s a reflection of the person doing the snubbing, not the one being snubbed.
I’ve been to 3 more conferences and loved them all. There were moments where I was scared and felt small, but I tried to not let that stop me from talking, engaging and enjoying myself.
I’m a firm believer that you get what you give. I am a very shy person, but I have decided that I will NOT let that stop me. You are right and we should give everyone the benefit of the doubt. We would all want the same courtesy.
Excellent post, Amy and I can’t wait to see you at whatever the next conference or event may be.
(BTW, I would never have guessed that BlogHer was your first conference)
[Reply]
Mom Spark Reply:
February 26th, 2010 at 10:36 pm
@ScrappinMichele, BTW- I didn’t know you were shy! Seriously? You seem very confident and outgoing to me. Kudos to you for not letting your fear get in the way of growing.
[Reply]
Great points made, Amy! I’ve only attended two blogging conferences so far, and had a few of the same feelings and concerns, but overall I focused on what I wanted to get from attending and went for it. I had a great time at both and made some wonderful connections with people I truly enjoyed talking with and learning from and in the end, I actually learned more from conversations than I did in most of the sessions. Not that the sessions weren’t informative but sometimes one on one conversations with more experienced bloggers can be priceless.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and the thoughts of others on this topic. I had some concerns about going to my first conference after hearing some of the negative feedback from Blogher09, but decided to go and see for myself what a blogging conference was like. I’m glad I started with a small, intimate one (TypeAMom) but I hope to attend Blogher this year.
[Reply]
Great post, Amy! Dude I had no idea that you felt that way at Blogher (at first). I wish that I would have found you. I would have given you a big old kiss. On the lips. Just kidding but I already been reading your site so it would have been fun to meet you.
I have loved every blog conference that I have been too. I got something from each and every one. Totally worth the investment.
It does make me sad when people quit after conferences but I do understand it. It does feel to me like there a cliques. But what a fabulous comment about these people have all known each other for a while. You are so right and it makes more sense that way.
I felt like an outsider at Blissdom. But this was my own fault. I had become extremely introverted over the years and just felt that I was on the outside looking in. My fault. I didn’t make the effort. I really loved the conference overall because I know that I got out of it what I put into it. I still learned a lot.
I promised myself that I would not go to Blogher like this. I signed up for a ton events and went. By myself. I had the best freakin’ time at the parties and events. I met someone new at every event. I made contacts and met many of the people who I stalked online. I was so excited.
I had never done anything like this. I loved every minute of it. So much so that this is one of my favorite conferences so far.
[Reply]
Mom Spark Reply:
February 26th, 2010 at 10:51 pm
@Stacie @ The Divine Miss Mommy, You rock for just going for it, having a great attitude and moving forward. Didn’t it make all the difference?
[Reply]
Amy- great post- you’ve articulately captured what so many are feeling.
Kelby- great point- treating bloggers like celebrities is ABSURD. It’s even more absurd for bloggers to act like celebrities.
I am a summer camp director in “real life” and set up my entire camp program to make sure every camper feels included- I just applied the same principles to conferences. Assigning seats, saying hello and touching base with attendees as they come in, offering parties where EVERY attendee is invited- those things matter. I realize it can’t always be done with 300 plus women- so boot camps will never be larger than 150- and that’s fine with me.
Conferences are a great place to meet other bloggers who share our passion and give a hug to the people who have shared your laughter and tears. An opportunity to get some really valuable info from SEO to working with PR to the FTC.
As we see the conference offerings increase, I think more women will find something that’s a good fit- that’s the beauty of variety!
[Reply]
Mom Spark Reply:
February 26th, 2010 at 11:04 pm
@SITSGirls, Well said! I think there isn’t enough emphasis on including everyone, and there really should be.
[Reply]
So, I’m going to Blogher this year and it will be my first blogging conference. I’m secretly TERRIFIED. Yeah, ME. Crazy because I tend to be pretty decent in social situations, but *this* has me scared. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in all the years I’ve been making friends online is sometimes it can be really confusing and even disappointing to meet in real life, and I’m honestly afraid of that. This post was great, though, and will really help me keep things in perspective this August, so thank you.
[Reply]
Mom Spark Reply:
February 26th, 2010 at 11:07 pm
@Jill @BabyRabies, It’s totally normal to feel terrified! I was, too. I think the key is not going in with unrealistic expectations. Some people will be rude, but most are kind and awesome. It’s crazy and totally overstimulating. It’s okay to go lie down. It’s okay to miss something. You’ll do great!
[Reply]
That pic at the top of your post would not exist had we not met at BlogHer, so I’m grateful I went.
As an extreme extrovert, I have experienced the odd sensation of hitting points during conferences—and sometimes right in the middle of the day—of wanting to be alone from sheer exhaustion.
The times that have been easiest for me were when I had many roommates. I stayed by myself at BlogHer and it was a huge mistake. Talking at the end of the day and sharing the highlights with friends (even new friends that I had met online and took the risk to room with) is such a fun way to bond. Also, it’s fun being able to walk to sessions or parties together, and reconnect during or after them.
At the same time, I love reaching out to those I don’t know, looking for those who may be sitting alone. I love when people do that to me too!
The thing that is the hardest for me is just not being able to connect more on a one-on-one basis with everyone. Good thing there are many more conferences to take advantage of
.
Awesome post, Amy!
[Reply]
Sandy Jenney Reply:
February 27th, 2010 at 9:12 am
@Jyl Johnson Pattee, Jyl you are wonderful about reaching out to others! I have loved getting to know you better, the Detroit tweet up was great.
I am in awe of those that are really good about reaching out. I am not as good at that…I need to be better. But I am also not as good about recognizing people in real life as others are. Maybe its an age thing.
Thanks for being as sweet as you are and I am sure hoping to make it to your conference this year.
[Reply]
Mom Spark Reply:
February 27th, 2010 at 10:44 am
@Jyl Johnson Pattee, I agree with Sandy, you are great about reaching out! That is a great skill to own, too.
Can you imagine if we didn’t start talking the night before the Ford event? It’s still hard to imagine that we’ve only known each other since last July.
[Reply]
Jyl Johnson Pattee Reply:
February 27th, 2010 at 11:03 am
@Mom Spark,
You gals are sweet, Amy and Sandy! I think you are also both great at reaching out. While I love to do it, sometimes I find myself totally exhausted at conferences. I don’t like to be cliquish, but at times, I look around for who I know just so I can refuel. I think that is what a lot of people do. It’s wanting to reconnect IRL with friends we don’t get to see enough of already coupled with the need to re-energize. I think if we all just do the best we can to be nice to each other, reach out when we can and be inclusive, and forgive people their shortcomings (including conference exhaustion or nerves), we will always leave a conference feeling uplifted.
That said, I have also been in situations where I was alone, I didn’t have anyone to go to the party with, felt the tug to stay alone in my room and order in room service. I felt stupid going out solo. I didn’t know anyone and had all sorts of “what if” thoughts. I know the reality of feeling overwhelmed. In those moments, it’s a choice that only the individual can make of whether pushing through and busting out solita or hanging back will be the right decision. Conferences shouldn’t push anyone over the edge and sometimes, hanging back is the right choice to give yourself time to decompress and refuel!
This is soooooo long! In short, we all need to support ourselves and each other in an effort to make these experiences as positive as possible.
[Reply]
As an introvert thinking about attending a conference for the first time, reading this is actually encouraging. It’s nice to know I won’t be the only one who’s feeling nervous and a little lost.
[Reply]
Mom Spark Reply:
February 27th, 2010 at 10:47 am
@Mommie Daze, Colleen-you will SO not be the only one nervous. As a matter of fact, there are more people nervous than not. Conferences are meant to be educational and fun, so let it! (I know, easier said than done)
[Reply]
Thanks for this post. I almost missed it. I just experienced this at the Affiliate Summit conference in January where 80% of the attendees are men.
When I went to the conference I felt like the odd one out because many of the people had been going for years and I was the newbie. I had the very same concerns and questions you had before I went. I wanted to fit in and like you said, I let ME get in the way of ME. I wouldn’t mingle for the first day because I had those same thoughts – they are smarter, richer, had more knowledge, blah…blah…blah.
Did these people put that on me? Heck no! I did because of my own insecurities. And why do I need to fit in? I am who I am and there is nothing I can do it about it if someone doesn’t like me. How could those people have put it on me? They never met me. They never even heard of me because this conference is not part of the mom blogging world.
I swear this is definitely a WOMAN thing. Men go to conferences to network and learn how to further relationships so they can make money. Women are back in high school playing games – emotional ones. So, I believe we do it to ourselves. I am going to BlogHer this year and I have the same internal fight. Should I go, should I not go. I have threatened myself many times with backing out and selling my tickets. I have heard about the cat fights and the pettiness and to me it is waste of time and the money I have spent. If that is the case this year I will never go back and will spend my money on conferences that will actually benefit my blogging career and probably have 80% men again. But right now I am going to give it a shot. I am bringing my husband and if it ends up being a trainwreck we will just spend our time in the city.
If women want to act that way and be like that they should stay home and play their games online. If you have the nerve to say things online and not in person then, in my opinion, you shouldn’t be saying them online, hiding behind your monitor to do your bidding.
I raised 3 boys and these were the things they complained about women all of the time. Why do women have to play games? Why can’t they just be straight forward? It’s oh so high school and at some point women need to grow up and stop letting the emotions run their lives. It very much a waste of time and unnecessary.
Thanks again for the post and insight. If anyone meets me at BlogHer I will gladly talk to you. I could care less who you are or aren’t. I especially like finding the person standing in the corner by themselves and telling them to come with me and help them be a part of whatever group I happen to be in at the moment. I think each one of us should look for that person because there will be a bunch of them. If you do that then lots more ladies will not feel so awkward and have a more enjoyable time. No one likes to feel left out and that is the core of this problem.
[Reply]
Mom Spark Reply:
February 27th, 2010 at 10:52 am
@Wendy from Sweeties Sweeps, I hate to stereotype, but you’re right. It’s a woman thing. I’ve never been one to get caught up in drama and actually get along with men better most times than women.
I truly believe that it is up to you on what experiences you get out of BlogHer this year. If you find yourself with those who indulge in drama, simply walk away and find a new crowd. There will be 1500+ women, so that will be easy!
It will be what you make it. I will gladly hang with you!
[Reply]
It was great meeting you at Mom 2.0! It was my first conference and I was very reserved. I hid behind my daughter so that I wouldn’t have to get out of my box. I’ll work on it for the next one.
[Reply]
Mom Spark Reply:
February 27th, 2010 at 10:53 am
@Lauren, It was great meeting you and your daughter! No need to hide behind anything, you’re awesome!
[Reply]
So eloquently put! My first ‘baby conference” is on March 6th at Bloggy Boot Camp in Baltimore. And since it is smaller in size I hope to use it as a warm up for Blogher because I did exactly what you did – went straight to the biggie. I will be going with bloggy friends so I think that will help but my goal is to meet as many new incredible women that I can. Thanks for the reminder that we are all human and all have our challenges… Event the rock stars!
[Reply]
Mom Spark Reply:
February 27th, 2010 at 10:56 am
@JenniferG of Hip As I Wanna Be, There is something to be said about small conferences. It is easier to connect and less stimulating, especially for those who are a bit introverted.
I was fortunate when I went to BlogHer that I didn’t know who was a “rock star” or not. I honestly still don’t care, I’ll talk to anyone. I honestly want to be a friend first, and if opportunities result because of that, cool, but it’s not my first objective.
[Reply]
Great post! I have met a lot of great bloggers through events and 2 conferences, but I have to say that I am a tad bit nervous for BlogHer, this post helped me mentally prepare for it
Thanks for sharing.
[Reply]
Mom Spark Reply:
February 27th, 2010 at 11:02 am
@Jennifer, Jennifer-if you’ve been to events & conferences in the past, you’ll be just fine. It’s just much, much bigger and louder.
[Reply]
What a great post! I am a newbie blogger and I have not attended any conferences, I thought about it though. I am quite shy at first with a large group but after I connect with a couple people I feel a lot more comfortable. That is too bad that quite a few people didn’t enjoy themselves but I still think it’s a great way to get people together, you may make a new friend and you guys will be the best of friends until you are 90 years old:-)
[Reply]
Mom Spark Reply:
February 27th, 2010 at 11:04 am
@andrea5980, Yes, I have made wonderful friends by meeting them in real life at conferences and events. I have more friends now that I ever have in my life! I just wish we all lived closer!
[Reply]
I don’t know about anyone else, but my only post conference blues are because they are over and I will miss all the fun I have had and all the new relationships I have made.
I am not an extrovert and it is hard for me to be on my own. So that part is hard for me. I am uncomfortable in new situations, but at my first conference last year (Blissdom 09) I met a couple of my blogging friends for the first time IRL and they have stuck. Then with each new conference you meet more people.
Unfortunately in almost every situation you are never going to be able to please everyone and there will always be someone complaining about something. That is too bad. I wish people could “let things go” a little easier. The Mama Drama is no fun.
I have never come away from any of the conferences I have gone to not wanting to go to more!
[Reply]
Have we never met?
Great post. I have been to BlogHer Boston, BlogHer 09, Blissdom and have plans for NY in August. I have felt different things at each of these. Boston felt like a peer group. I loved it. Chicago was HUGE and overwhelming and I got a kick out of the drama that I read about post-conference. Why is it when you get a group of women together they branch off into stereotypical bunches? But if you can get around that and see the conference for what is really is – a chance to network, learn, and have a bit of fun – you’re golden. You really do get out of it what you put into it.
Example: I was physically present at Blissdom, but I wasn’t really there emotionally. So I didn’t get much out of it. Totally my own fault.
Too much is made of blogger conferences. Too much is made of blogger “status.” I have learned that those bloggers that have a reputation that precede them typically live up to their names, but there are about 4500 other women attending who are perfectly awesome.
I had a lot to say after BlogHer 09 – you can check ‘em out… http://tinyurl.com/y8h9b4r
[Reply]
Mom Spark Reply:
February 27th, 2010 at 11:09 am
@Jill @alexcaseybaby, You know, I don’t think we have met? Have we? We need to at BlogHer ’10.
Yes, if you go in with a poor attitude, you’re going to get poor results. So true with anything in life, right? I think it’s easier to blame others for not coming up to you, yet you didn’t do it either. Doesn’t seem logical or fair to either party.
[Reply]
What a great post! We seem to focus on ourselves and our own insecurities while forgetting others are feeling the same way. I think when you can figure out someones personality you then can understand where they are coming from. Which I’m sure is hard to do in a quick conference. I have been reading in the blog world for a long time, but just recently started my own blog. I have found some of my favorite bloggers have even reached out to help me get started. I can see how one would be surprised to see a super outgoing blogger become a socially awkward or shy person. But it’s great you shed light on this issue to remind others they are not being shunned. I myself have never met a stranger and would be forgetful that others are not the same way even though in the blog world they might portray just the opposite. I know most of us have the feelings of inadequacy whether our blog is worthy or not. But then I remind myself why I started my blog in the first place, to help out my friends and family find the deals I was telling them about on a daily basis. And that’s enough for me!
Let me know if you have any good tips for a newb blogger!
[Reply]
Amy Reply:
February 28th, 2010 at 2:50 pm
@2babies1momma, Yeah, I think most bloggers forget that there is a real person behind each blog or Twitter account. Some of us are shy, even if we have bold opinions online.
[Reply]
Fabulous post!
It makes me so sad to hear that some bloggers feel upset after conferences and that some even quit blogging. That is just terrible.
But I completely agree that a blogger’s experience at a blogging conference is mostly determined by her attitude and her own behavior. You did the right thing… just throw yourself in there.
I think everyone feels intimidated at some point. And it is very easy to interpret other bloggers tight friendships as cliques. Perhaps sometimes they are a type of clique, but often they’re just friends who have been bonding for years.
Thank you for writing this post. I hope it encourages bloggers to get the most out of conferences.
[Reply]
Amy Reply:
February 28th, 2010 at 2:51 pm
@Susan (5 Minutes for Mom), Thank you, Susan. It was great to finally meet you at Mom 2.0!
[Reply]
Thanks so much for posting a link to http://www.BlogConferenceNewbie.com! So glad to spread the site with your readers.
And what a fabulous post! I know newbies will appreciate reading these thoughts b/c the topic of “big vs. small” and “popular vs. unpopular/unknown” bloggers has come up, especially in relation to conferences. It’s a real concern! Was actually going to write a reflection post on it myself.
Thanks again for the promotion!
[Reply]
Amy Reply:
February 28th, 2010 at 2:55 pm
@The (Un)Experienced Mom, No problem. Thank YOU for providing a resource for new bloggers to use.
[Reply]
Such an awesome post. Like you, BlogHer last year was my first conference. Again like you, was so shocked to see all the negative experience people were blogging about. I can honestly say I never had one negative experience at BlogHer. Yes, you do have to get out there and jump right in. Some bloggers might not be who you think they are (yes, I did experience this), but you absolutely cannot let that get you down. Because, believe me there are so many more bloggers that rock and will treat you so well.
I have been to two other conferences now since BlogHer and have enjoyed them so much each and every time. You get out of the conferences, what you put into them. It is all in your mindset.
I really enjoyed hanging out with you at BlogHer and TypeAMom. I was looking forward to spending time with you at Mom 2.0 but had to back out at the very last minute and give my ticket away due to my Grandmother passing away
.
Hope to see you soon at one of the upcoming conferences. Thanks again for writing this post!
[Reply]
Amy Reply:
February 28th, 2010 at 2:56 pm
@Jen @ One Moms World, Thank you, Jen. I enjoyed being with you, too. You are a sweetheart and I’m so sorry to hear about your grandmother.
I’m sure I’ll see you at BlogHer in NYC??
[Reply]
I am FAR from an introvert…but that is what scares people about approaching me. I will hug you, give you a kiss, and ask you to lunch. In fact, some of the women I met at blogher were me just walking up and saying now, who are you and whats your blog.
I have to say I had the same sort of let down experience at blogher with a big blogger. I approached her, shy for me really, and she had no clue who I was..which was fine. But she had no interest in meeting me. We were both at an exclusively small party, so it wasnt like there were hoards to talk to.
Instead of feeling disappointed, I walked away with the sense that people are people are people. And honestly, friendships are hard to come by and hard to maintain. So what if someone doesnt have time for me? There are lots that do and many that have become long term friends for the past several years.
Those friendships are the ones I invest my time and self into daily and really use conferences as a way to solidify what I already have, instead of looking at a conference to embark on creating brand new friendships.
For the record, I found TypeA much more enjoyable then BlogHer.
~Trisha
[Reply]
Amy Reply:
February 28th, 2010 at 3:00 pm
@trisha, Yes, I think it is impossible to avoid being let down. It’s life. Some “big bloggers” aren’t going to be nice or outgoing. I think going in remembering that makes the whole experience more manageable.
You’re right, friendships are hard to come by, so we can’t assume that everyone we meet is going to result in a life-long relationship.
[Reply]
A superior, well balanced post.
[Reply]
Amy Reply:
February 28th, 2010 at 3:02 pm
@Marcy from The Glamorous Life Association, Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me.
[Reply]
BlogHer ’09 was my first conference as well! I made wonderful connections and going opened doors for me in a big way. Making real-life connections is what it was all about for me. I went to connect. I did not go to learn and I think I set myself up perfectly for the experience. Even when I did go to a session, it was just to go see the bloggers that were speaking. I wish we had connected there IRL, but I know we will some day:)
[Reply]
Amy Reply:
February 28th, 2010 at 3:04 pm
@Courtney Velasquez, At first I was a little let down by the sessions because I really thought they would help me grow. Like you, I soon learned that it was more about the relationships and speaking one on one.
I look forward to connecting with you soon! If anything, let’s meet up at BlogHer!
[Reply]
Fantastic post Amy!
I agree – even though it can be so hard, it is so important to jump out of our comfort zones and throw insecurities aside!
It breaks my heart to think that some bloggers feel like quitting after a conference! I just want to give them a hug RIGHT NOW!
But I understand — I have walked into a party and not known who to talk to and where to go. It can be so intimidating. But just like you did, the best thing to do is just walk up and introduce yourself and make friends!
Not everyone will be a kindred. But that is okay. Many will be.
[Reply]
Amy Reply:
February 28th, 2010 at 3:07 pm
@Janice (5 Minutes for Mom), I was just telling my husband today that something changed when I hit my 30′s- where I care less about embarassing myself and more about just being me. I know it’s easier said than done, thought. There is so much to experience in life, you know?
[Reply]
I’m a newbie and would love to get involved in some great conferences. I know I would be nervous, too. I’m an odd mix of introvert/extrovert depending on where me ‘ormones are at I think. lol
It’s great to have this information via your post, so as I am prepared when I do have chance to attend anything. I’m in Australia, so I won’t be attending any of the conferences you have mentioned in the near future, but I’m sure people are alike all over the world. In fact, having travelled a lot, I know they are.
I have attended Personal Growth workshops. That’s about the closest I can get to having an idea of how I would feel attending a Bloggers Conference full of strangers
[Reply]
I attribute this to the same feeling a freshman has those first few weeks of school. We hold orientation meetings for them and try to make them feel included, but ultimately, it is up to them to make a leap and step out of a box and make some friends. And, much like high school, there are going to be people and groups that you don’t agree with or who say things that could offend. I guess it is important to put that in perspective as so many have said and just as Kelby said, “measure your own worth against the only person who matters: yourself”.
Another great point that I heard made was to stay in the hotel where the conference is going on. My first conference was TypeAMom and I won tickets for it (thankfully), but I also live in Asheville so I didn’t stay at the hotel. I also had to work that first day and was completely drained. After attending another conference and staying where everyone else was it definitely made a huge difference.
Thank you for this Amy! Hopefully we can meet in real life one day!
[Reply]
A fabulous and honest post. It’s important for people to know that the anxiety is normal and that there are others out there who want to help and connect if you just ask. It’s just darn hard to ask sometimes…
[Reply]
Amy Bellgardt Reply:
March 2nd, 2010 at 2:06 pm
Thank you, Jenny. I agree.
[Reply]
Wow great post and so much to think about. I am attending my first conference this weekend and it gave me a lot to think about. I am anxious, excited and overwhelmed but going to try to make the best of it and hopefully take away a lot of knowledge and friendships.
[Reply]
Love this post so much. I attended BlogHer in 2008, and while I enjoyed catching up and finally meeting a few of the other bloggers I’d grown to know and love, I did come away feeling like I could have made more of an effort to get to know other new folks instead of clinging to the few I already knew.
I was also at a non-conference event with a bunch of other bloggers I regularly tweet with, and I was amazed at the mutual disregard we had for each other. That is, we all kind of acted as though we hadn’t interacted online. It was really strange, and off-putting, although I feel like I didn’t help the situation. And that was on top of meeting a blogger, whom I’d met at least 3 times before, had even helped plan something for another blogger via email, and she had this look on her face as though she’d had no idea who I was.
So, I promised my husband that when I go to BlogHer 2010, I’m going to wo”man” up and be my normal extroverted self, and make a real effort to get to know new people.
[Reply]
Mom Spark Reply:
March 8th, 2010 at 3:11 pm
@Nanette, Nanette- This happens to everyone. There is a certain blogger that does this with me a lot. Acts like she knows me, then doesn’t, repeat. It’s life. Whatever.
It’s awesome that you have a new attitude now! I think you’ll be much more productive and happy at BlogHer ’10.
[Reply]
Thank you so much for this post. I am getting more and more excited (and also anxious) about Blogher. Reading your post is a lot of help. You mentioned that many bloggers are introvert in real life. SO TRUE! Many of us found redemption and an outlet through our blogs exactly because we find it hard to do such IRL.
I am going to make a sticker/badge thing proclaiming myself a “closeted introvert” and wear it at Blogher.
[Reply]
This is the most honest, and helpful post, most realistic and relatable post, I’ve read on blog conferences.
I want to go to one, but I”m afraid that if I do go, I’ll have spent all that money, and come back defeated.
You have reminded me: GO AND JUST DO IT.
[Reply]
Mom Spark Reply:
July 2nd, 2011 at 11:00 am
@Alexandra, You are exactly right!
[Reply]